The Pope’s Exorcist: Russell Crowe’s Italian Adventure On A Vespa

Summary

The Vatican’s best exorcist, played by Russell Crowe, has to travel to Spain to fight the forces of evil.

This one was strange. On the one hand it was a very competent possession film, nothing ground breaking but it delivered all of its scares as you would expect them and ticked most of the boxes of what people would want out of a possession film. However, on the other hand the film had a number of overtly comedic moments and little jokes which took me right out of the film. I am not saying there isn’t a place for levity within a scary horror film but I am saying that cracking a joke right as something spooky is happening takes the tension right out of the scene. What is worst the demonic voice they gave to the little boy who was possessed just sounds like a Cockney person who has smoked too much and is almost unintentionally funny coming out of him.

I think Crowe is a serviceable lead, however, I do think the films decision to have him speak partly in English and partly in Italian was confusing, as it would have made more sense to go one way or the other with it, as it stands it seems clashing.

Overall, a watchable possession film that doesn’t do anything new but delivers mostly in the way you would want it to.

3/5

Pros.

It is serviceable

It has a few good scares

Crowe anchors the film well

Cons.

It is unintentionally hilarious at times

It forces in awkward jokes that derail the tension

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, the ability for you to pick what I review next, bespoke film recommendation to fit you as a person and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Evil Dead Rise: Some Books Are Better Left Unread

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new family find the Necronomicon.

This was a sore disappointment for me. I had been excited for this film for a while, it was certainly one of my most anticipated of April, if not the year, but after watching it I have to say it wasn’t very good. I want to state up front that I am a big fan of the original trilogy of Evil Dead Movies and Ash Vs The Evil Dead, but I wasn’t taken with the remake from a decade ago and this I found had a lot of the same mistakes.

I think the problems of this film fit broadly into four key areas. Firstly, there is way too much fan service and nods back to the previous films, if you are going to do another quasi reboot then you have to have it stand on its own, by having all the call backs it makes people compare it to the original trilogy of films, and that is not in the films favour. Secondly, the opening sequence by the lake is dumb and should have been cut out, it has no relevance on the main plot of the film and just serves to tie up an ending tease, the book ended approach to the storytelling but done in reverse really doesn’t work. Thirdly, the first act of the film is a mess and is awfully paced. The first act feels like it goes on forever introducing us to all of these characters, who we don’t care about, it takes way too long to get into the deadite action and by that point you have stopped caring. Fourthly and finally, a lot of the scares and horror aspects of the film no longer feel fresh, they might have done had this come out a few decades ago, but there wasn’t anything here that I hadn’t seen already done to death in other films.

All that said I will give the film props for being fun and a good time from the second act onwards. Once Alyssa Sutherland’s character turns into a deadite and things start to go off the wall and into a gory spectacle things get a lot better and become more entertaining. I still wouldn’t say the scares land in the way the film wants them to but the gory spectacle of the film is at least good for a laugh.

Overall, I would leave the series here, it feels very much out of steam, if they have to do another film they should bring back old man Ash, played by Bruce Campbell.

2.5/5

Pros.

The gore

Fun with the deadites

It is watchable

Cons.

The first act is horribly paced and way too long

There is too much fan service for something that is supposed to be its own thing

You don’t care about any of the characters

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Prey For The Devil: Watch Out For Old Men With Long Tongues

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A nun, played by Jacqueline Byers, sets out to become an exorcist.

Before I get into all the ways this film was lazy trash I just want to give it one thing and that is the fact that it does have a number of good effect scenes where we get quite creepy and disturbing things coming from the possessed little girl, played by Posy Taylor.

Okay, let’s crack on with all the ways in which this film highlights the very worst of the sub-genre. The worst sin of this film is its script which is paper thin, ridiculous to a laughable extent and so incredibly predictable that you might as well stay home and guess how this film will turn out, not only will you be right and save money, but you will also have to give up a lot less of your time. Around about the time the little girl turned out to be the main characters daughter, a moved which is sign posted almost from the get-go, is when I mentally checked out of this film.

There were also a number of moments wherein this film was supposed to be scary but that it actually went the other way and was funny. This can be best seen during the early part of the film where an old man attacks our lead and has a tongue that just flies about the room and then he starts dancing with her, this to me was in no way scary and was in fact actually hilarious is this film supposed to be a horror comedy?

One last thing to note is that the girl power message of this film of breaking the system and that women can do anything men can do feels like it belongs in the nineties, it is horribly trite and overdone and feels almost like the film is overcompensating for something else, but I will let you decide what that is.

Overall, an incredibly weak possession film, but shockingly not the worst I have seen.

Pros

Colin Salmon

It is watchable

Cons.

The script

It is laughable at times when it is trying to be scary

The girl power stuff is incredibly ham-fisted and awfully handled

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Umma: Mummy Issues

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mother, played by Sandra Oh, and her daughter, played by Fivel Stewart, must contend with past ghosts that arrive after a death in the family.

So I will give this film props for originality, the Korean flavour to it helped to set it apart from a lot of other mother-daughter horror films out there, moreover, the mythology of the film feels likewise fresh and novel.

However, that is where the praise ends, as though there was some novelty to the film for the most part it was incredibly cliched and predictable. I don’t know if it is just because I watch a lot of films, but I could accurately work out from the opening five minutes where this film was going and how it was going to end and it did just that, not a surprise in store.

Moreover, the mother-daughter relationship between Oh and Stewarts’ characters felt like re-treading well worn ground, the relationship added little new to either the genre as a whole or to mother-daughter relationships in general, much like the wider conflict of the film we have seen it before.

Overall, though certain parts of the horror feel fresh it can’t mask the wider feeling of over familiarity and blandness on display here.

Pros.

The Korean inspiration to the horror

It is watchable

Cons.

The mother-daughter relationship

It is generic

It has been done better before

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Paranormal Activity Next Of Kin: Break On Through To The Otherside

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Emily Bader, tries to find out more about her biological mother as such she travels to the Amish community she grew up in, bringing a film crew along for the ride because why not? However, once there things start to turn sinister.

Okay so this film won’t win any prizes for originality, but that is not to say that this film is bad quite the contrary. I will admit I soured on the Paranormal Activity franchise after the ending of Ghost Dimension all that build up and for what? Then the initial trailers for this didn’t look great, and I was worried that this film was going to taint the series reputation even further, but if anything it resurrects it.

This film isn’t quite sure whether it wants to be a sequel to the other films or a straight up reboot of the series, as such it goes in both directions there is no direct reference to the previous films either in terms of events or characters, however there is enough free space narratively that they could connect it up if they wanted to.

What I think is the best thing about this film is that it does the opposite of Ghost Dimension and actually delivers on the pay off of the film. The film ends with, spoilers here, a demon coming up to earth to begin a reign of terror, with seemingly no one able to stop it as it can jump from body to body. Not only did I think this was a terrific ending in terms of everything the film had been building to, but I also thought this was magnificent in what it sets up for the series, what’s next? The possibilities seem endless and that has me excited.

Overall, I would say this film is easily up there as one of the best of the franchise and you should check it out if you like all things spooky.

Pros.

The pay off

The set up for the future

A few good scares

Not being too lore heavy
Cons.

The characters are all fairly meh

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Insidious 3: The Least Scary Villain In A Horror Film Ever

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After the death of her mother Quinn, played by Stefanie Scott, reaches out to the spirit world to try and contact her, and obviously because this is a horror movie, something other than her mum reaches back.

In my mind this is the worst of the Insidious films. This is mainly due to the demon antagonist of this one. Whoever designed it should be let go as there is nothing creepy about an old man with an oxygen tank, nor should there be. Furthermore, in terms of how easy it is to defeat this villain, simply by removing his oxygen mask, there is no threat at all there. In the first film The Man With Fire On His Face would be a lot worse of a villain if you could just turn off his music and that’s it he’s done.

The film tries to do something with ideas around mobility, Quinn is confined to a wheelchair for most of the film and so centres a lot of its scares around that. This isn’t a total failure as it does lead to a few good scares however, more needed to be done with it for it to be explored in any satisfactory way.

Another failure of the film comes with its characters who are instantly forgettable. We get the usual stock characters of the misunderstood teen, the boy she has a crush on, her parent, and then of course the paranormal investigators. None of the characters in this film are served by it, even veteran of the genre Lyn Shaye can’t save it, and they give her a much bigger role so she gets the chance to try.

Overall, a sad state of affairs but one that provides us with the crucial lesson of not all horror films need to be franchises.

Pros.

A few good scares

Cons.

The characters are awful

The villain is weak

They don’t develop their ideas enough

They waste the talent of Lyn Shaye

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Insidious: If Your Kid Starts To Astral Project It Is Time To Have A Serious Talk With Them

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young boy, played by Ty Simpkins, passes into a coma and whilst there some otherworldly demonic being tries to take over his body. His family and a team of paranormal investigators must step in and fight back.

I remember being absolutely terrified by this the first time I watched it, all those years ago. Though watching it now I find myself somewhat disappointed. Maybe it is because I have watched a lot more horror since and have seen the same scares here parroted back at me thousands of times over, maybe my taste has simply changed. That is not to say this film is bad rather that watching it now it feels overly familiar.

The idea of the Further, the demonic realm, is well realised and is used to great effect to set up a number of scary scenes. It is a shame the Further sequence only last for around ten minutes as it is the most creative and visually stunning of the whole film. Moreover, the titular evil demon looks terrifying, and is an obvious and well deserved addition to the halls of memorable horror monsters.

Lin Shayne is of course a horror icon and proves her status here. Though Shayne’s Elise is only in the film for a short while, she leaves a mark.

Overall, a solid horror film, but not as good as Wan’s later horror efforts, i.e. The Conjuring.

Pros.

The Man With Fire On His Face

The Further

Patrick Wilson

A few good scares

Cons.

A little bit familiar

We needed more time in The Further

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Rite: Anthony Hopkins Was Made For Horror Roles

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A faithless trainee priest, Colin O’ Donoghue, is send to Rome to become an exorcist.

I went into this film excited because I like Anthony Hopkins and he usually does horror very well, so I had high hopes and whilst the film isn’t bad it certainly is mixed. I think the main issue with this film is the fact that it has all been done before so many times over. This film is content to retread old familiar ground without actually doing anything all that new with it and therein lies the problem.

Whilst there are some scary moments here and there, mainly dream sequences for some reason, I found a lot of the horror to again be overly familiar. The issue with this is that the horror then loses some of its impact as you know what is going to happen before it does.

Hopkins is good as he always is, even in a low budget horror film he brings his A game. However that just isn’t enough to make this film good as the material he is given to work with is bad and his co-stars likewise fair poorly: with the exception of Ciaran Hinds who again tries valiantly but is limited by the material given.

Overall, a few good scares but nothing you haven’t seen before.

Pros.

Hopkins

Hinds

A few good scares

Cons.

Very predictable

Not all the scares land

The ending

It is very up the Catholic Churches rear end

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Seventh Day: The Devil In The White Collar

The Seventh Day

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

A lot of possession or exorcism films play a lot of lip service to the Church, as such it is nice to see a film that takes a different approach and asks the question what if the monster/demon was the priest? It is an interesting idea as yes, if a demon was possessing people why wouldn’t they possess priests, figures that are trusted by thousands of people. It reminded me a lot of Robert Kirkman’s terrific comic Outcast.

That said, despite the twist being interesting it is not executed well. It is clear which of the priests is evil almost from the get-go, and the film does not subvert your expectations in anyway, the one you think is bad is.

I thought the ending was a little too sequel baity for my taste, and I don’t think this film is really good enough to warrant sequels. The horror was very iffy, some moments were strong and had real promise and other moments were painfully by the numbers and played out.

Guy Pearce brings a lot to the film, but even he cant save this film from mediocrity.

Overall, a few good moments but for the most part very average.

Pros.

Guy Pearce

A few good scares

Cons.

It is painfully obvious

The ending teases an unearned sequel

More than a few bad/ generic scares

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, one on one Q and As and the ability for you to tell me what to review next. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Case 39: The Most Upfront and Blatant Twist In All Of Cinema History

Written by Luke Barnes

Case 39 is a horror film directed by Christian Alvart. The plot sees dedicated care worker Emily Jenkins (Renee Zellweger), save a young girl from a brutal death at the hands of her parents. However, one thing leads to another and the rescued Lilith (Jodelle Ferland), begins living with Emily and Emily soon realises that there is something off with her.

Spoiler warning for one of the most obvious twists in cinema history.

Ok last chance.

Lilith, as the incredibly on the nose name would suggest is in fact a demon. Yes, to make it even more obvious she is a succubus demon- they are really hitting you in the face with it. She can make those who go against her see horrible visions and meet grisly ends, it is all fairly generic and nothing that you haven’t seen better before.

This film felt to me like the producers and creatives behind this film had watched Orphan and seen the great twist in that film and been like ‘let’s make something similar but dumber’.

The film has quite an all star cast as well, landing Zellweger at the waning peak of her Bridget Jones fame, Bradley Cooper and Ian McShane and manages to waste all of them. The acting in this film is the usual collection of horror movie cliches with little to elevate it beyond mediocrity.

Overall, one of the worst and most obvious twists I have ever seen in a film, and yes to a degree I applaud the film for being so blatant and up front about it, but at the same time it is still an incredibly weak film.

Pros.

Some dumb fun to be had

Ian McShane is trying his best

Cons.

The cast excluding McShane either don’t care or are being sorely underused

The twist

The ending

They repeat plot elements over and over again

2/5