The Little Mermaid: The Opening Salvo Of The Summer Movie Season

Summary

The Little Mermaid gets the live action remake treatment.

So I went into this with pretty low expectations and thinking it wasn’t really going to be my sort of thing but I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I will preface this review by saying that I haven’t seen the animated original so I wasn’t attached to one version of this story.

I want to say right off the bat that Halle Bailey is a great Ariel and really helps the character to feel likeable and rounded in a live action format. On top of that she also has a very believable and strong romantic chemistry with the male lead, played by Jonah Hauer-King, which helps the film to really work as a date movie. Bailey of course also has a great singing voice and pulls off all the songs truly very well, or as well as can be done with the woeful new songs.

However, the strong cast doesn’t extend across the board Awkwafina is terribly miscast as Scuttle and has a groan inducing rap sequence that also doubles as one of the terrible new songs I mentioned earlier. It is such as a shame the film felt the need to introduce a few new songs as the old ones are still great and are what the audience want, but hey they have to have new songs to try and enter them into awards races later in the year. Awkwafina’s miscasting is somewhat offset by Daveed Diggs as Sebastian who is damn near perfect casting and who makes that Crab the stand out character of the whole film, bring on the Sebastian Disney + show I say.

A final point I want to flag up is that the effects and pacing of this film are both noticeably off and that on a technical level these things hold back the film. The underwater effects look bad and unfinished and I know Disney has bad relations with effect houses but they clearly needed to fix this if they want to improve their CGI, because at times the CGI hear was shocking, especially compared to what The Way of The Water was doing at the end of last year. Moreover, the extra story for Eric and a few other characters is nice but it really doesn’t need the film to be an extra half an hour longer than the original, at the length it is being shown at this film has a second act that drags by at a glacial pace.

Overall, a better live action remake than most of Disney’s others

3.5/5

Bailey

The classic songs

The romance

Digg’s Sebastian

Cons.

The effects and pacing

Awkwafina

The new songs

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Are You There God It’s Me, Margaret: Finding Out Which Faith Is Right For You

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An adaption of the Judy Blume book of the same name which tells the story of a young girl, played by Abby Ryder Fortson, coming of age and finding her place in the world.

I will preface this review by saying that I haven’t read the book this film was based on and am not very familiar with the works of Judy Blume.

I was excited to watch this film as the trailer gave off a very quirky sensibility, it reminded me of the works of Greta Gerwig and Wes Anderson. However, upon watching it I found it to be a much more straight forward coming of age tale then I was expecting. That is not necessarily a complaint as it was still enjoyable, and strong performances from most of the adult cast, especially Rachel McAdams, did a lot to elevate it.

I also thought the film’s focus on religion was interesting and nicely separated it out from a lot of other coming of age films that are obsessed with budding romances, dances and raging hormones. I liked that the film didn’t shy away from showing how much of a destructive force religion can be in some cases and that it tried to have more of a serious conversation on the topic. Sadly though, I will say that the conversation this film wants to have would have been made much better if it had gone just a little further, as what it is saying now is fairly surface level.

Overall, an interesting coming of age film that is boosted by its performances and decision to focus on religion over teenage angst.

3/5

Pros.

The focus on religion

McAdams, Bates and Safdie

It is fun

Cons.

It is a little surface level at times and an exploration of greater depth could have really been interesting

It has pacing issues in the form of second act lulls

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Children Of The Corn: Now With Added GMOs

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Children of the Corn is remade in the era of GMOs and climate activism.

This film was one of the worst I have watched in a long time. It makes me question if the writer knows anything about youth culture other than what they see on social media, I would guess not. The teen characters, which by the rules of the original story would likely have been killed but clearly they aren’t sticking to things, only exist to lecture their parents on their evils, even going so far as to put them on trial because they do something they don’t like, so far so bratty. Then the little kids are even worse, they are like oh we get a say in our own future then they follow it up by killing their parents again for not any real reason. It feels like the worst corners of twitter, the whiny types who have to have everything there way and who have to constantly campaign for different causes in order to have a soul/personality turned up to the max.

Couple this with the fact that this film in no way even tries to follow the original or books story and doesn’t even bother to kill off the adults into mid-way into the film, and you will start to see just how bad it is. Worse yet, unlike the original film with Linda Hamilton, wherein the He Would Walks is not shown but instead illuded to, much scarier, here we show him in all this CGI terribleness and honestly it removes any kind of fear factor out of the story and instead almost becomes comedic.

Overall, before watching this I had heard it was bad, but it was worse than I was expecting it to be.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The writer’s only interaction with young people is clearly those they see on Twitter

The social commentary is unneeded and not handled well

It is not scary

They ruin any kind of mystery or tension with the crop creature

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Winnie The Pooh Blood And Honey: A Straight To DVD Film In The Truest Sense

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The 100 acre wood gang go feral.

You have probably heard people talking about this film and how it is so shocking and controversial, as it takes beloved children’s characters and makes them murderers. However, it really isn’t shocking, it is a quite clear effort to be provocative and edgy in order to get attention and sell what would otherwise probably be a straight to DVD affair.

In many senses this attempt to be edgy falls flat, as it doesn’t go far enough. When you look at another independent horror film in Terrifier and you compare the two you can see just what I am saying. In many senses this film just feels like a generic slasher film, even when it is trying to be gory and shocking it pales in comparison to other films like Terrifier

Another thing I disliked about this film was how bad the writing was and through that how stupid the characters were. I will give you one example of my point there is a scene in a room with a swimming pool wherein the victim is stood on the side of the pool and the killer is advancing towards her, yet rather than run around the otherside of the pool which she totally could do and maybe even get away she instead jumps into the pool in fright. It is baffling decisions like this that make rooting for any of the characters in the picture hard.

I do think the premise is strong and the idea does have merit undeniably but the execution is beyond lacking.

Overall, try hardy and boring in the worst way.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is an interesting idea

The opening inspires confidence

Cons.

It is boring

It is not as edgy or as shocking as the marketing presents it

It is generic

The characters are dumb and unlikeable

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Wolf Pack: From A Spark To A Flame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new YA TV series is born, with some supernatural hijinks and Buffy’s small screen comeback.

I barely made it through this first episode, I did in the end over the course of about 6 tries stopping and starting and having to take breaks from it as its awfulness was truly overwhelming.

The only reason I gave this show a try was because it was from Jeff Davis, the guy who brought you Teen Wolf and as some of you know I was a massive fan of that show, but in many respects this show is a large step back from the goofy charm of Teen Wolf and tries to take itself far too seriously.

I think the crux of the issue with this show is that it is a YA program long after they have stopped being popular. As this is a review of the first episode I can’t say how the rest of the show will pan out as I won’t be watching it and can’t see into the future but one thing I can say is that in this first episode all of the well known hallmarks of YA fiction were there and they haven’t got any less cringe.

Overall, this show will likely get cancelled after one season.

1/5

Pros.

It reminds you how much of a better show Teen Wolf is

Cons.

YA is long past its best as a genre

It feels trope heavy and poorly written

The performances are awful

It is incredibly forgettable

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The Pale Blue Eye: Satan Riding Large In Rural New York

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, played by Christian Bale, investigating a string of grisly murders finds unlikely assistance from a young Edgar Allen Poe, played by Harry Melling.

There is plenty to enjoy about this gothic mystery film though I don’t think anyone would call it perfect by any means either. The atmosphere and central two lead performances certainly create an engaging world, and Bale as always delivers masterfully, however it is with the mystery that things begin to come unstuck.

The mystery itself is not bad, I didn’t see it coming and the twist did feel satisfying at the time it was revealed, however, since then the twist has started to feel far too familiar it is a twist common to this sort of film and narrative and though it does work within the context of the film I criticise it for its over familiarity.

Moreover, I think as with many films the greatest thing going against this picture is its pacing which is nothing short of abominable. The film feels very exciting in the first and third acts but the second feels like an incredibly long slog and becomes more of an endurance test than anything else. Though I will say you should stick it out as the third act is quite lively.

Overall, the cast, atmosphere and mystery do bring something special to this film, however, the familiarity of the twist and the awful pacing make it a taxing watch.

3/5

Pros.

Bale and Melling

The atmosphere

The mystery

Cons.

Though the twist works it feels far too overly familiar and lazy

The pacing is simply awful

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The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty: Jumping On A Fish Boat And Heading Out To Parts Unknown

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Walter Mitty, played by Ben Stiller, is a boring office drone, who spends half his life in a day dream until one day adventure comes calling.

I enjoyed this film quite a bit, I found it to be uplifting and an incredible force for positivity which in these dark days we all need. It certainly isn’t an original premise, both because it is based on a book, and also because the idea of the stiff finding his spirit of adventure has been so done to death over the years, though Stiller certainly tries to put his own spin on it.

Having watched many, and I do mean many, of Ben Stiller’s films over the years I have to say this is one of his best and certainly more nuanced: think The Royal Tenenbaums Stiller. There is a certain degree of emotion to his performance that will make many people sit and reflect on their own lives, Walter Mitty feels like the ultimate everyman but that is the point. I also thought that Sean Penn was great even though he only had an incredibly small role.

I will say that this film leans more towards being an earnest yet uplifting drama and take on human life and the spirit of adventure rather than a Ben Stiller comedy film. It really isn’t goofy and the laughs are not forthcoming a lot of the time and that is okay, in a sense stupid dumb jokes would break the wholesomeness of the film in a sense.

Overall, a sweet life affirming film that is only let down by a fairly generic plot.

4 /5

Pros.

It is truly feel good

It reminds you of the good in the world

Stiller is fantastic

It is paced to perfection

Cons.

The plot does feel a little familiar to a lot of other projects

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The Amazing Maurice: The Pied Piper Was A Cat

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A cat called Maurice, voiced by Hugh Laurie, and his human companion, voiced by Himesh Patel, travel town to town working a racket wherein they pretend to rid each town of their rats when in fact they have brought them.

I thought this was quite a charming animated film, what’s more the setting in the wider world of Terry Pratchett opens it up for all manor of possibilities if there ever was to be a sequel. I found the film to be fairly easy to watch with some likeable characters, but that is not to say everything about it was great.

The film certainly has some lulls wherein it slips into being boring and this is made worse by the pacing of the film. Furthermore, this issue is compounded by the fact that Patel’s Keith is never given much in the way of personality and is fairly bland so any section focusing on him on his own away from Maurice drags on. This is somewhat alleviated by Emilia Clarke’s Mallica who serves as both the narrator of the tale as well as the female lead and is in every respect the stand out character of the film. Clarke makes the character have so much life and charisma that it is hard not to be excited when the film is focusing on her.

Hugh Laurie as the titular Maurice is fantastic but then again you always knew he would be.

Overall, a fun animated film though one that could have worked better if the pacing was tighter.

3.5/5

Pros.

Clarke

Laurie

It is a lot of fun

The world of Pratchett

Cons.

The pace

It drags at times

Matilda The Musical: Netflix Doesn’t Seem To Understand How To Adapt Books

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A reimaging of the classic Roald Dahl story.

Yes, this is yet another case wherein the original is vastly better than the remake, and I don’t even mean book to film, no what I mean is that the original Matilda film with Danny DeVito was vastly, and I do mean vastly better than this film.

My main issue with this film is that it loses a lot of the cheeky sense of fun from both the original film and the book, this film fundamentally isn’t fun but is instead depressing. Within the DeVito version we never really got a sense that Matilda’s parents were outrightly abusive towards her, yet we get that here. In addition Miss Trunchbull in the original film is a sinister villain at times but also has a core of cartoonish silliness to her that makes her actions seem less outrightly sociopathic and cruel, again this is missing here.

Another thing I disliked about this version of Matilda is the songs. There is no getting around the fact that the songs in this film are not strong, worse yet the film goes out of its way to repeat the same songs or lines from them over and over again to the point wherein you question whether the film is trying to force you to like them.

I will give this film praise for a stellar performance from Lashana Lynch who does make a great Miss Honey, but her performance isn’t enough to save this film.

2.5/5

Pros.

Lynch

It is watchable

It has one or two funny moments, but it is by far not enough

Cons.

Pacing issues

It is depressing and no fun

The songs make everything worse

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Pinocchio: More Disturbing Then It Had Any Right To Be

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The classic tale of Pinocchio, voiced by Gregory Mann, but now with added nightmarish creatures and fascist leaders.

Well this film achieved the impossible, it managed to make the Disney take on Pinocchio, animated not the trash live action, look tame by comparison. That is no small feat considering the fact that the animated Disney film has it fair share of deeply unsettling moments, but this film pips it by having some truly quite disturbing moments. Whether it is Pinocchio’s frequent deaths wherein he goes to an underworld like land and has conversations with frightening looking creatures, in most cases voiced by Tilda Swinton, or in the design of Pinocchio himself that never quite lets you settle down. In all honesty I found Pinocchio himself and the way he looked and acted to be the most scary thing about the film.

Writing this review for you now I can’t honestly say whether I enjoyed watching this film, it was certainly an experience viewing it though I don’t think wholly pleasant. Instead of giving it slap bang in the middle marks I have given it an above average score as whilst a lot of things in the film didn’t work for me or I found a little jarring, I like how far Del Toro pushed the concept and the risk he took with it, the Mussolini stuff he did was really quite daring and funny and fit the film in a way I wouldn’t have expected it to.

The ending will also be a source of contention for many as it is not by any account a happy ending, if anything it is fairly melancholic, it reminded me of the stylings of Tim Burton if that is any indication for you, but hey Ewan McGregor does a great job as the cricket and mostly keeps things light.

Overall, I can’t say I enjoyed the film but it is bold and some of it works really well.

3/5

Pros.

A risky and more adult approach

The setting and time period

McGregor

Cons.

It is incredibly sad

Pinocchio himself is hard to warm towards because he looks unsettling

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