Shotgun Wedding: Get Those Divorce Papers Ready

Summary

Tom, played by Josh Duhamel, and Darcy, played by Jenifer Lopez, have their wedding taken over by terrorists and must work together to try and overcome them.

This is watchable yet entirely forgettable. Honestly, this kind of action comedy is nothing new and has been done many times before. Sadly, in the long history of newly weds teaming up to take down armed bad guys this film isn’t high up on the list.

The main reason for this is because of how tame it is. In almost every regard this film feels like it is holding back, be it in the gore and the violence, the swearing or even in the relationship drama. No couple I have ever met interacts like these two, the way they talk and generally just are around each other feels off and oddly formal at times. It would be an understatement to say that Lopez and Duhamel have no chemistry if anything I wouldn’t be surprised if it comes out over the next few years that the two of them hated each other whilst making this.

Overall, this is the sort of lazy film that reminds you that Hollywood, in this case Amazon, think they can just serve audiences with any old trash and that we will just happily consume it. Well I for one will spit out this rancid meal and will call out Amazon for this, consumers deserve better.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

It is tedious

It didn’t need to be made

It has no charm

It is horribly paced

The leads are both awful

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Plane: Plummeting To The Ground In More Than One Sense

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gerard Butler is a pilot who must face off against violent insurgents after his plane goes down.

Meh.

I could really leave the review there as there isn’t much more to say. It is a perfectly serviceable action film but nothing more. For anyone hoping for a do-over of Olympus Has Fallen this is nowhere near that level, nor is it near the levels of awfulness that make something like God’s Of Egypt fun. It is exactly what you would expect it to be and that is why it is so disappointing.

Perhaps the only thing of note that is positive about this film is the fact that Butler gets to go fully Scottish and let his accent come out which is nice as his barely faux American accents were starting to get grating. In terms of his performance Butler is as he ever is here, if you have ever seen one of his films then you know what that entails. There is a scene in which one of Butlers character’s passengers gets killed and he throws himself around and looks emotional whilst in the arms of Mike Coulter’s character, that I suppose could count as Butler trying to do some acting here but even then it is still fairly thin.

In terms of Mike Coulter if he thought this was going to be his breakout action role, in a post Luke Cage sphere, then he was sorely mistaken. His character is really more of a prop, being there to service Butler’s character and the plot, being whatever it needs him to be. It is strange that the script never really addresses the crime his character was accused of doing beyond stating it once, they set up a whole narrative that never comes to anything at all. To his credit Coulter’s incredibly limited performance makes Butler look like he deserves an Oscar so if nothing else I am sure Butler is thanking him.

Overall, not campy enough to be fun and too formulaic and familiar to be interesting.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

Some of the CGI is hilariously bad

It is short

Cons.

The performances are awful

The script feels like it is copied and pasted from many other action films with barely anything unique to it

It never addresses Coulters character’s backstory

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Star Wars The Bad Batch: The Solitary Clone

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Crosshair continues on his journey as the Empire’s killing machine and Commander Cody makes a return.

I thought this was the best episode of The Bad Batch yet, there was something so mature and dark about this episode that I really enjoyed, it played with the idea of disillusionment and clinging on to belief simply for the sake of believing. I thought Commander Cody and Crosshair really played off each other well both on and off the battlefield, and I think bringing back Cody was a stroke of genius. I think it is highly likely the show will bring him back in the future and that is a good thing, I think this second season is building towards Crosshair defecting from the Empire and re-joining his old team.

On top of all this the action in this episode is fantastic, far, far better than what the show has been putting out in the past and it also really highlights Crosshairs specific set of skills, the trick shot he does to take out the commander droid is a sight to behold and really gives him a moment to shine.

Overall, one of the best episodes of the show yet, only let down by its short length.

Pros.

The focus on Crosshair

Showing off Crosshair’s skills

Commander Cody

The thing this episode sets up for later in the season

The return of more Clone Wars characters

Cons.

It was too short

4.5/5

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True Lies: Abducting Your Wife And Forcing Her To Almost Cheat As You Think She Is Cheating On You

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A husband, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and wife, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, become tied up in the spy game.

An Arnold Schwarzenegger action film whilst he was still roughly in his prime is an inherently appealing prospect, however, this film feels deeply rooted in the Nineties and I don’t mean that in a good way. In many senses a lot of the cliches and toxic ideas of the decade do bleed through, the way Schwarzenegger’s character treats his wife is incredibly dated and borderline sociopathic yet the film wants us to think it is okay and justified.

The action of the film is fun in an over the top extremely macho sort of way, Schwarzenegger can break men’s necks with just a quick snap of the neck no struggle at all. Though I would say that the poor CGI does mean that some of these action sequences age poorly and come off looking like an early video game.

In terms of performance Schwarzenegger seems to be having a lot of fun, but Jamie Lee Curtis is incredibly one note and plays the bored yet still loyal housewife cliché, her character lacks any kind of depth.

Overall, fun but incredibly dated.

3/5

Pros.

Schwarzenegger

The over the top action

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

Curtis

Incredibly dated

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High Heat: Life After Miami Vice

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A chef, played by Olga Kurylenko, takes on the mob.

I put this on as the trailer made it look as though it was a relatively fun and silly hour and a half and I went in expecting bad puns and a general tongue in cheek attitudes. However, in all honesty all I was met by was an incredibly generic and forgettable action movie, that struggles to maintain your attention as you are watching it.

This is very much in that subcategory of action films that could be described as a John Wick clone, everything from the way the action is shot and presented to the mysterious past angle of the lead is reminiscent of the Wick films, however, unlike those films this does not have the world building or incredibly strong lead performance from Reeves to prop it up.

In that vein Kurylenko is fine but certainly isn’t breaking the mould. Looking at her recent filmography I worry somewhat that her career might take on a Bruce Willis like quality as she releases film after film like this wherein she gets paid for minimal effort. I suppose everyone needs to take work to keep the lights on, but she is so much better than this, this is a waste of her talents.

Overall, a deeply forgettable action film.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

It wastes Kurylenko

The action is all very tame

It feels like a bargain basement John Wick clone.

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Violent Night: A Father Christmas You Can Relate Too

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After having lost his Christmas spirit Father Christmas, played by David Harbour, becomes caught up in a home invasion and must fight to save Christmas.

I thought this film was damn near excellent. My one complaint would be that we have seen the grizzled veteran who doesn’t want to fight anymore, who doesn’t know where they stand in the world anymore, or even whether they want to carry on any more character trope so, so many times before that it feels a little repetitive. Also having a child restoring this person’s faith in either themselves or the world only adds to the cliché.

That aside this film is just what I wanted it to be, a silly gory good time. I think the tone manages to perfectly capture both the seriousness and the humour of the situation, dark things do happen but it is all taken in good humour. The film is actually quite surprisingly funny with a lot of good commentary and strong one liners that will have you laughing not just as you watch the film but also when you remember them later on your way home.

However, I think the main strength of this film is David Harbour. As I said not long after watching the film on Twitter, if you cast anyone else in the role of Santa Claus this film would be infinitely worse. Harbour pulls off not just the physicality for the fight scenes but also the likeability to make you want him to beat the home invaders and be reunited with his wife at the end of the film.

Overall, a lot of fun and David Harbour really shines.

4.5/5

Pros.

Harbour

The gore

The silliness

The message

You genuinely end up caring about Santa and Mrs Claus

Cons.

The characters are cliches

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Black Panther Wakanda Forever: The King Is Dead And The Seat Is Empty

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Wakanda copes with the death of its King.

In many senses this is a depressing film, it doesn’t just address the real world passing of Black Panther star Chadwick Boseman this film lives it and throughout the film Boseman’s death is never too far away, we are given many reminders of it.

However, I did enjoy for the most part that this film has a serious tone, too many of Marvel’s Phase 4 projects have really leant hard on the humour and it has hurt them. This for the most part plays everything very seriously and that is good and helps the film to feel impactful and maintain stakes. Although, an issue to this is the inclusion of Riri Williams, played by Dominque Thorne, who for the most part is annoying and forces in a lot of corny jokes where they just aren’t needed. Moreover, Williams is never specifically said to be the Iron Man replacement of the MCU but it feels like she is being pushed that way, and boy does she feel like a off brand version of the character.

I really liked that this film finally introduced Namor, played by Tenoch Huerta Mejia, into the MCU I think he is easily the best thing about this film and certainly is a scene stealer. A lot of the underwater scenes with him and his people are really cool and interesting and for the most part the effects hold. However, the CGI does prove to be glaringly bad on a few occasions which is quite poor when you think about how much money was pumped into this film.

The cast for the most part are a mixed bag Danai Gurira and Angela Basset give stirring performances and are very deserving of praise, but Winston Duke is mostly passed over and ignored and Letitia Wright is noticeably bad and clearly finds it hard to emote as throughout Shuri’s ride in this film her face barely changes scene to scene be it happy, angry or sad. Another thing that bugged me about Shuri in this film is that all of a sudden she can fight and it makes no sense, she becomes Black Panther and then whoops Namor despite being tactical support in the last film and for the early parts of this one. Where did this sudden training come from? It would have taken one line to have tied this off and not have it be an issue, but no, to me it reeks of the writers thinking that the audiences are too dumb to pick up on it. Another dumb plot whole is why does Wakanda not just tell the world about Namor and his people and how they are responsible for all the attacks rather than taking the blame themselves? It makes no sense and the film does not address it.

Overall, slightly worse than the first film but it does introduce Namor to the MCU so that’s pretty cool.

Pros.

Namor

The mature tone

The ending

Cons.

Riri is annoying and breaks a lot of the tension with dumb jokes

Wright can’t act and Shuri develops all these fighting skills out of nowhere

The poor CGI and plot holes

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The Woman King: Revisionism

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The story of an all-female warrior unit that fought to protect the Kingdom of Dahomey.

I thought this film was at times a slog to get through. I know that historical epics are often on for a long time and feel like a mammoth task to watch, but this film just seemed to never end. I think there are a lot of scenes which could have been cut from this film that would improve it and make the pacing better.

Moreover, I didn’t care for the historical revisionism that was in play within the film, with the fictious lead character, played by Viola Davis, trying to preach the evils of slavery to the King, played by John Boyega despite the fact that in real life Dahomey played a large role in the slave trade. To me this felt like the film was trying to virtue signal and rewrite history rather than deal with troublesome truths.

Additionally, a lot of the reviews I have read for this film praise its action, but I thought that the action actually looked quite bad. This can be seen to come down to two things, firstly that the sword hits never quite seemed to land and were often a few miles off, and secondly the choreography was just all over the place often challenging in baffling ways what people will believe to be realistic for a tale with real people not superheroes.

I would say the cast was a saving grace for the film. Lashana Lynch and Viola Davis both had a number of great moments and delivered instantly memorable performances. Both of their characters felt fully rounded and interesting to get to know.

Overall, a historical epic that has some interesting moments but mostly misses the mark

Pros

Davis

Lynch

Cons.

The fight scenes

The historical revisionism

The pacing

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Andor: Narkina 5

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Andor, played by Diego Luna, goes to prison.

I think this was probably the worst episode of the season so far, mainly this was because nothing really happened. At least in last week’s episode, which I also didn’t hugely like, they set up fun stuff for down the line in this episode we get precious little. On the one hand we get Andor serving his prison sentence, which other than meeting Andy Serkis’s character who does have a few good moments, is fairly dull we know it is just a matter of time until he breaks out, but it doesn’t happen in this episode. On the other hand we have yet another dinner party scene with Mon Mothma, played by Genevieve O’Reilly, which is just more of the same that we have seen before.

We do get some interesting scenes even if they are far between such as the Empire cracking down on Cassian’s friends, which the episode ends on, as well as Vel, played by Faye Marsay, returning on the hunt for Cassian. Plus added Saw Gerrera, played by Forest Whittaker.

Overall, a fairly boring episode with a few brief moments of excitement here and there.

Pros.

The Empire finally coming after Cassian

The return of Vel

Saw Gerrera is back

Cons.

Cassian’s storyline is boring

So is Mon Mothma’s

It feels like killing time

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Black Adam: Time To Put The DCEU Out Of It’s Misery

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Black Adam, played by Dwayne Johnson, escapes from his prison to then engage in deeply generic superhero shenanigans.

My my if this is the best the DCEU can produce then it really is in need of a reboot pronto.

This is the most generic superhero film that I have seen in a while, this film is so obsessed with giving us mind numbing CGI spectacles that it forgoes anything even barely resembling a story or character instead choosing to use an off-putting barrage of mostly badly done bang bang effects.

Johnson is playing himself, which is fine is you like that but not if you actually wanted Black Adam to have a personality beyond ‘oh look The Rock has super powers now.’ They try and give Black Adam somewhat of an upsetting backstory but the fact that the Rock can’t emote in any real way just kind of kills that off early on.

The Justice Society are annoying, I suppose this is what the film wants as it wants you to cheer on Black Adam as he beats them up. I thought that Doctor Fate, played by Pierce Brosnan, was easily the best of them and the film and then the film goes and kills him off. To do this and try and give him this big heroic send-off doesn’t work as we haven’t seen him in any other films and he has barely been introduced or developed here so his death has very little impact beyond angering fans of the character such as myself. I thought that they might bring him back in a post credits scene, but no they have to bring back Superman, played by Henry Cavil, again because God forbid they have the film be standalone.

Overall, weak and generic.

Pros.

A few cute moments between Atom Smasher and Cyclone

Some interesting comments on America as the world’s unwanted policeman

Cons.

The Rock is miscast and can’t emote or do anything beyond play himself

It is one big CGI mess

They brought in Doctor Fate only to kill him

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