The Cellar: Apparently Hell Can’t Afford A Lift

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family move into a house in rural Ireland and not long after their daughter goes missing.

This won’t win any awards for originality, as the above premise suggests. However, I do think this was a surprisingly effective horror film and it left me feeling suitably unsettled. I would say the scares landed for the most part, and I liked some of the more out there visuals they went for. The ending was quite intriguing as well and it left me with a number of questions, which is always a good thing if done well.

My issues with this film boil down to one simple thing, Elisha Cuthbert. Cuthbert is the lead of this film so that American audiences can have a familiar face to cling to, I think this is a bad move. It makes no sense that the rest of the family have Irish accents and sound the part and Cuthbert blatantly doesn’t. Her performance is also not good and certainly holds the film back in a number of ways.

Overall, despite not really being anything new what is here works well, bar Cuthbert, and produces some good scares.

Pros.

The ending

The scares

The wider mystery

Cons.

Cuthbert

The pacing

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Deadly Cuts: Hairdressers Take On Gangland

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Irish hairdressers kill someone and then enter into a hairdressing competition.

The marketing for this film is a lie. It markets itself almost as a thriller with comedic elements, I thought going in that these unlikely heroes were going to become vigilantes and face off against the Irish underworld in a Shaun Of The Dead esque dark comedy. However, that was not what we got, instead they kill one gang member, and the rest just conveniently leave until the end of the film when they kill one more all whilst competing in the most boring and cliched competition ever. Yeah not good.

I found this film to be a tonal mess and not really knowing what it wanted to be, on top of that it wasted most of its cast and gave them nothing to work with, as a result the central foursome feels at best bland and at worst cliched. The story is uninspired and feels like a retread of many better films, with the stakes and drama not coming together at all and presenting us with an ending that feels entirely unearned.

Overall, watchable but weak.

Pros.

It is watchable

It is short

Cons.

It is not funny

The competition angle feels played out

There is no drama or real stakes

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Holy Water/ Hard Times: A Limp Comedy Film

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of disaffected Irish men decide to rob a shipment of Viagra and sell it in Amsterdam with the hopes of making enough money to escape their small town existence.

This film was painfully unfunny. I understand that comedy is subjective but not a single joke in this worked for me, most of them felt cheap and desperate- such as a man getting his arse out for the sake of a bit. At times it almost felt like it was trying too hard.

It was nice to see Linda Hamilton appear in this, as she doesn’t appear in anywhere near enough films anymore. Sadly, the quality of the writing she is presented with not only gives the character nothing to work with but ends up reducing her to a cliché. The whole big tough Americans coming to investigate plot point seemed ridiculous, does Ireland not have a wider investigating organisation that would take jurisdiction? Surely they do.

Honestly I think the biggest issue with this film is that it is just plain generic and boring, which is a shame as you can see the actors are trying but ultimately it is all in vain.

Overall, this is not a terrible film, but it is boring.

Pros.

Linda Hamilton

The actors are trying

Cons.

It isn’t funny

It is boring

It is a waste of good talent

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Wolfwalkers: Never Cage Something That Is Wild

Wolfwalkers is an animated fantasy film directed by Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart. The plot sees a girl and her father move to an Irish hamlet in the 1600’s to kill wolves and to start a new life. However said girl Robyn (Honour Kneafsey), finds that there is more to the wolves than any of the towns people know and that the pack is being controlled by a mother daughter Wolfwalker duo, who she soon makes friends with.

This film is a heartbreaker, the plot won’t leave a dry line in the house. It has so many layers to it many of them deeply sad it makes for a very melancholic watch. The later scenes between Robyn and her Dad (Sean Bean), are particularly hard to watch, when he keeps making the situation worse and worse before he realises the error of his ways.

I enjoyed the friendship between Robyn and Mebh ‘Og Mac Tire (Eva Whittaker), I thought it was nice to see their friendship develop over the course of the film and to watch them grow up during such a difficult time period, I’m sure there was a metaphor in there somewhere. I thought this part of the story and its innocence nicely contrasted with the more adult moments.

Finally, I thought it was nice to see a return to 2D animation. It has been too long, and it looked really beautiful throughout, you could tell a lot of work had gone into it and it really helped the film to standout amongst the 2020 animation landscape.

Overall, a beautifully thoughtful and heart breakingly sad animated film that you owe it to yourself to see.

Pros.

A return to 2D animation

The friendship between the two girls

The emotional beats

The father daughter relationship

The look at Irish/Celtic mythology

Cons.

It is desperately sad

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke