Slayers: A Torturous Existence Surrounded In Mediocrity

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of influencers hunt vampires.

Originally I was quite on board with this film, I liked Thomas Jane’s character and I thought the comedy/commentary was pretty on point, and then it has to go and ruin it all by just becoming another generic vampire film.

I think the worst thing about this film for me is that it boils down to the same old same old, some vampires and slayers attack one another until one comes out on top, there is nothing fresh about that. Moreover, a lot of the characters other than Jane’s are deeply unlikeable and irritating: though maybe that is on purpose. For the most part any film about influencers is best avoided.

The horror is not really there at all, the atmosphere is more jokey than anything else and yes they do have a little bit of gore but really that is nothing too shocking, it’s all fairly tame.

Overall, yet another generic vampire film.

Pros.

Jane

The comedy/commentary

It is short

Cons.

The characters are unlikeable

You have seen it before

It is deeply generic

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Terrifier 2: More Isn’t Always Better

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Art, played by David Howard Thornton, is back at it again.

I have been looking forward to this for a long time, and my expectations were both met and not met at the same time.

I liked that the gory carnage of the first film continued on and if anything this film was even more ambitious taking things to a whole new extreme. However, therein lies an issue I have with this film, if anything the violence goes way beyond what the first film had and does cross into a place of being gratuitous and nasty. I think the gross out spectacle of this film is put before everything else and as the film gets carried away with its larger budget it never stops to think about how far is too far.

In terms of story we get more of a classic slasher narrative here than we did in the first film, we are introduced to new final girl Sienna, played by Lauren LaVera, and she and Art do battle. I liked LaVera’s performance and saw quite a lot of a young Jamie Lee in her, I think that if she sticks around within the genre she can easily become a new and beloved scream queen in time. I would say however, that the plot of this film falls apart in the last twenty minutes where things just happen and nothing really makes sense. The film is badly paced and does go on for too long, as you reach the end of the film where the narrative starts to eat itself you are quite ready for it to just be over.

Overall, more doesn’t mean better.

Pros.

LaVera

Art is still a great villain

I liked that this film deepens the lore

Cons.

The violence borders on the tasteless at time

The third act falls apart and then sets fire to the whole film

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Henry Cavill Leaves The Witcher: Netflix Can’t Seem To Do Anything Right

Written by Luke Barnes

I want to use this piece to talk about the recent news of Henry Cavill stepping away from playing the role of Geralt in the Witcher tv series and the fact that the series is carrying on without him. I believe it is terrible news and that Netflix should and probably will after the fourth series cancel the show.

I want to be up front with you all, I stopped watching this show after the midpoint of season two, it had no resemblance to the books and games and treated the characters with an irreverence that bordered on contempt for the source material. In many scenes I dislike this show, however, one of the few things I could give it was the fact that Henry Cavill was well suited to the role and genuinely seemed to care about the character. However with his departure, which is almost certainly due to the fact that he is back as Superman, and the fact the show is just going to recast and pretend like nothing has happened the show loses one of its key assets. Now I am not saying that Liam Hemsworth will be a bad Geralt, or that he won’t care about the character in the same way Cavill did but I will say I have seen nothing in Hemsworth’s filmography this far that suggests that this is in anyway something he would be well suited for. I don’t think he has the right physicality for it either.

I think if Netflix were smart they would shift focus now that Cavill is out to animation for the Witcher universe wherein shifting voice actors wouldn’t be so noticed and were acting in it would be a lot less of a commitment. They could even hire the voice actor who played Geralt in the games to voice the character here as well, a move that would definitely please many parts of the fandom. However, because Netflix aren’t smart, and have proven this time and again, they will carry on with the show with Hemsworth under the notion that they can just replace one handsome man with another and no one will notice, ignore the fact that the fans are annoyed and angry about it and then be surprised when the fourth series tanks ratings wise. No doubt toxic fandoms will be blamed, but really this is all on Netflix, they should have given Cavill more money or whatever he wanted to stick around at least until the end of season four where they could have rushed to wrap up

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Lyle Lyle Crocodile: A Surprising Delight

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A singing crocodile, voiced by Shawn Mendes, enters a families’ life and changes it forever.

Is this the greatest film ever? No. Will this be the film that gets you into the music of Shawn Mendes? Probably not, but maybe.

Though this film will never set the world on fire I think it was a lot better than it had any right being. The best thing about it is certainly the energy and the heart that the film has, this film is a fun ride that is undeniable and during that ride it will make you feel things, you’ll laugh and you’ll cry and by Jove you might even end up liking the songs of Shawn Mendes. Before watching this I had never heard a Shawn Mendes song but now after watching it I can safely say I might listen to his music now, I feel like the film was a good taster for it.

I think the performances across the board were good, especially Javier Bardem and Constance Wu, both gave off real warmth and had us care about their characters. In the case of Wu this film really reminded me of the charm and charisma she had on the early seasons of Fresh Off The Boat I hope she keeps making films where she gets to have fun and show off that side of herself.

There are some rather obvious issues with the film such as weird CGI for the crocodile and incredibly blatant product placement, but to me I thought both of these added to the so bad it is good appeal of the film. Certainly it is more of a goofy watch then a serious film that you have to sit down and experience, it reminded me in many ways of the recent Sonic movies.

Overall, a lot of fun was had.

Pros.

It is a fun ride

It is very well paced

It makes you laugh and cry

Lyle is incredibly likeable and cute

Cons.

It is nothing new, but in a sense it doesn’t need to be

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Pearl: Who Asked For More?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An origin story for everyone’s favourite old lady serial killer.

Honestly I have never been a fan of the films of Ti West often they struggle to appeal to me in anyway, some such as House Of The Devil and The Sacrament have shown promise but by and large I just think he is pretty talentless. X this film’s sequel which was released first only really had a buzz because of its goofy premise a slasher vs a group of porn stars, in actuality and in a technical sense the film is actually quite bland and quite a clear copy of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre at times.

The more art house elements of the first one really struck me as delusions of grandeur, West has always dwelt in the shock value area of horror being gross out rather than cerebral, and though some horror filmmakers can crack both, David Cronenberg he is not. The arty elements of X didn’t work because they just seemed jarring and out of place and here they make a little more sense but you just don’t really care.

I think Mia Goth deserves praise for trying to make this character interesting despite West doing everything he can in a scripting phase to make sure she is just your typical psycho who cracks because their dreams are shattered, how fresh, Joker did this exact same thing much better a good few years ago now. I think at its core that is the issue with these films, it is nothing new and the lofty sense of self that it carries around is unearned.

Overall, Fine nothing new or interesting, but not awful either.

Pros.

Goth

It is watchable

A few nice gory images

Cons.

It thinks it is way deeper and cleverer than it actually

It borrows a lot from better films

It is badly paced

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Andor: Announcement

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Cassian, played by Diego Luna, faces some of the consequences for his actions and things are set up for later in the season.

Certainly this won’t be anyone’s favourite episode, very little of interest happens here it is mostly just a lot of set up for later on, that is not to say that set up isn’t interesting or without promise, but there is only so much excitement you can have for teasing things to come.

I think Luna gives a great performance when he is talking to his character’s adoptive mother, played by Fiona Shaw, it is so raw and full of emotion that for a moment you forget that you are watching a TV show and question whether or not these are real people. I do think that Luna has been such a boon not just for this show but for Star Wars more broadly as he is capable of giving such excellent performances.

Where this episode falls down for me is with the ending. For plot reasons Cassian is accused of a crime he had nothing to do with and sent off to prison. Basically that sums up the whole scene for you there is nothing more to it then that he is just sent off to prison for no reason other than the show needed to do something with him next week as he seemed a bit at an end after the events of last week. It reeks of lazy writing and plot convenience to me.

Overall, a fine episode but one that is very much filler.

Pros.

Luna

Exciting things to come

It is watchable

Cons.

There is only so much excitement you can have for set up, defiantly a filler episode

The ending is stupid and clearly just done for plot reasons.

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American Horror Story NYC: Something Is Coming

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A killer is terrorising the New York Gay community in the early Eighties.

Admittedly I went into this first episode with rock bottom expectations as last years Double Feature was so bad that I didn’t even finish it, and looking at it through that lens I think this first episode did a lot to inspire confidence and maybe even, if I dare to dream, to have AHS back on course.

I like the mystery being set up with the quest of who or what is big daddy, I am guessing now he will be more than your typical killer, if it does turn out later on that he is just a really muscular dude in bondage gear then I’ll get a little disappointed. Additionally the storyline with Billy Lourd’s character about what is going on on Fire Island is also shaping up to be an interesting mystery.

I think the performance’s so far have been quite good Zachary Quinton is back and is bring a real depraved charisma to his sleezy art dealer/ photographer character, and also Russell Tovey is also a very welcome new addition to the cast.

Overall, though the usual AHS issues are there, in spades, I am hopeful for this series.

Pros.

Quinton and Tovey

Interesting new mysteries

Back to basics feel

Big Daddy seems to be a good villain thus far

Cons.

It is badly paced

Much like with all of Ryan Murphy’s projects it is basically soft core porn

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Final Destination: Don’t Fear The Reaper

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of teens are saved from a grizzly death after one of their number has a vison that forewarns of the events to come, however, once safe death comes to claim each of them in a new design.

I grew up with this series, and though they are a little repetitive, it is the same gimmick every time, they are still some of my favourite horror films. I think this is in part due to the fact they never show death, yes I know some people view Tony Todd’s character as being a physical embodiment but I don’t, and that they keep things mysterious. I think doing this leads to a really creepy atmosphere through not just this film but all of them.

I also think that this first film is boosted in many ways by strong performances from Devon Sawa, it is criminal that he never came back for any of the other films in the series in a major way, Ali Larter and the always incredibly Tony Todd. Todd not only shines here but becomes a favourite of mine throughout the series.

The deaths here are not as inventive or as silly and goofy as some in later entries, but that isn’t a bad thing wholly, I liked the deaths here they felt quite real and grounded, though maybe not the teachers,

Overall, a very strong horror film that I would argue is a classic.

Pros.

The atmosphere

The scares

Todd, Larter and Sawa

The deaths

The ending

Cons.

A little repetitive

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Child’s Play: Don’t Get Your Kid A Doll And You Might Just Be Saving Their Life

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Little Andy Barclay, played by Alex Vincent, gets a Good Guy doll called Chucky, voiced by Brad Dourif, for his birthday little does he know that it will change his life forever.

Though I do enjoy the more light hearted fare that we got as the Child’s Play franchise progressed I have to say that I think the more serious approach of this film first worked well, maybe even better. I liked the wider focus on Chucky/Charles Lee Ray as an evil serial killer, who isn’t cracking jokes all the time, as well as the more serious look at voodoo magic.

I liked the plot of the film even if it does feel a little samey now as all other possessed or evil doll films take a similar line, I thought that it was engaging and I liked that most of the characters in the film just thought Andy was lying and tried to lock him away, it is more realistic.

Overall, it still holds up well though it may seem a little familiar to modern audiences.

Pros.

Dourif

A more serious tone

It has some good scares

The fact people don’t believe Andy

Cons.

It feels a little familiar and worn watching it in modern times

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Scarlett: Cool Kids Don’t Do Drugs

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Just say no. One morning Scarlett, played by Kristin Jaap, awakens to find her wild cocaine usage the nice before has left her far worse off and in a heap of trouble.

I do think this film has an important message, drug use might seem cool it may be what all of your friends are doing but it also comes at a cost, addictions ruin lives and all sorts of mistakes can and are made when people are high as Scarlett finds out here. I think it is hard to watch this film and not think about just how bad drugs can be and how they can mess up your life so in that this film is doing a public service as by making you aware it is saving lives.

I thought the performances across the board were strong, though I would have to single out Jaap for extra praise as her acting worked on multiple different levels and really brought a lot of nuance and thought to the character. She really brought the tired and often very cliched, within media, idea of the addict into a new light here.

In addition this film keeps a nice tidy pace, being able to communicate its message and have an impact all within a very short amount of time, if only more films could be like this.

Overall, an important film with a good message.

Pros.

The message

The pacing

Jaap

The ending

Cons.

I think some of the side characters could have done with a little more development

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