The Invitation: If There Is One Thing I Hate About The Aristocracy It’s All The Damn Vampires

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ancestry.com leads to a young woman, played by Nathalie Emmanuel, becoming the love interest for an evil vampire lord, played by Thomas Doherty.

This was barely a horror film, honestly after a point this film just becomes a superhuman action movie. The horror elements are fairly thin on the ground, the early parts of the film seem to be heading in the standard creepy British haunted house fare but then takes a drastic turn that really doesn’t help the film much at all. However, really the issues come in the final third when all the horror trappings are dropped and Emmanuel starts fighting vampires, this really takes out all the scare potential.

Also the final scene forces in a sense of girl power which leaves the film off on an eyeroll which is not what anyone wants. The more filmmakers and writers try and force in hamfisted political commentary into films the more I will criticise it, unless it is done well.

In terms of the vampire sub-genre this film struggles to do anything original, it inserts in its own version of Dracula who never really comes across as any kind of threat.

Honestly, the only thing I liked about it was the fact that it featured the legendary Sean Pertwee, and he is a saving grace but really isn’t given much to do.

Overall, a flawed horror film that makes a series of bad mistakes.

Pros.

Sean Pertwee

Unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

The forced in social commentary

The weak vampire content

It makes a series of bad creative choices

It has pacing issues

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Bodies Bodies Bodies: Hello Fellow Kids

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends gather together to wait out a storm and play some party games, once there things take a turn for the worst and one by one people start getting murdered.

Spoilers Ahead

I thought this film was pretty entertaining, but it was not without its issues. Most obviously, you could tell that this film was written by someone who isn’t Gen Z as though they use some correct vernacular it never really feels authentic and genuine. Moreover, with the expectation of Amandla Stenberg the cast are not members of Gen Z either, these might only be little nit picks I know but as the film has been labelled a Gen Z murder mystery it deserves to be pointed out.

The mystery was well used for the most part, however, it is ruined by the end of the film. Where it turns out that there never was any murderer just a series of accidents and misunderstandings leading to all these deaths then it just feels like a cop out. Honestly I didn’t find the ending funny I found it to be infuriating.

For me the performances were a mixed bag, I thought Maria Bakalova, Lee Pace and Rachel Sennott all gave strong performances whereas Myha’la Herrold’s Jordan felt cliched, Stenberg’s Sophie underdeveloped and Pete Davidson’s David to be totally unlikeable.

Overall, whilst it has some enjoyable moments for the most part this is a decidedly average film.

Pros.

A few funny moments

It is a good mystery until the ending ruins it

Bakalova really shines

Cons.

A lot of the supporting cast are wasted

It feels clearly like someone older trying to write for Gen Z

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When Did Cinema Get So Tame: Quantity Over Quality, A Modern Cinema Issue

Written by Luke Barnes

I write this piece as I look ahead to what is coming out over the next few months and think to myself that there are precious few films that look good on the horizon. When did cinema become so average? Or am I just jaded?

So the idea that there was ever a great period in cinema history where nothing but fantastic films were coming out is a fallacy, a romantic idea that never held any weight. Even in great years for cinema where we would get several films that would later be called classic there would be a titdlewave of garbage as well. However, these days it seems that the ratios are becoming ever more extreme we are getting fewer and fewer modern classics and more and more trash, and the question I am asking today is why is that.

Some say that audiences are dumber and like less the idea of being challenged at the cinema, therefore studios have pushed filmmakers to make easier films, obviously there are still changeling films coming out but these are rarely in the multiplexes. Another argument is that Hollywood has become obsessed with brands and doesn’t want to take a chance on original ideas anymore, this has more than a grain of truth to it, with studios cranking out sequels, prequels and reboots all the time. Within this school of thought there is the idea that if the audience comes out for a certain IP then it doesn’t matter if the film is good, maybe this is why there is so little quality these days. There certainly is a safety in a perceived sure thing.

A final idea to ponder is that making good films is no longer the aim for some studios and filmmakers. Through this idea the notion of making a good film that is held up on its technical merits is less important than completing another objective such as getting across an idea, political point, or an element of social commentary. Certainly a good film can include these ideas they aren’t mutually exclusive, however, if pursued ham-fistedly enough they can take over the film and make it bad. All things in moderation.

I suppose there is no clear cut answer for why there is so few truly excellent films out these days and more trash by the week, perhaps it is a little of all of the above, but one thing is for sure if cinema continues in this odious manner it will destroy itself before our very eyes.

If you enjoyed this piece, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!

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When Did Cinema Get So Tame: Quantity Over Quality, A Modern Cinema Issue

Written by Luke Barnes

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Honk For Jesus, Save Your Soul: Tax The Church

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mockumentary following a preacher, played by Sterling K. Brown, and his wife, played by Regina Hall, as they try to save their ministry after a sex abuse scandal.

I thought this film quite cleverly satirised religion and the stereotypical idea of the faith preacher, deconstructing both into their base elements. I think the film raises a number of good points about the follies of organised religion and how power and trust corrupts.

Both of the leads give strong performances, though I would probably say that Hall is the better of the two, she really brings an authentic air to her character of a devoted wife who tries even in face of knowing that there husband is far from a perfect man, I feel there is a real sense of earnestness to her character.

Where this film falls down for me is with the pacing, I think the film doesn’t have enough going on for it to be feature length, I think a lot of the things that happen in the narrative feel like playing for time and I think the film would have worked much better at the hour mark. Moreover, I think some of the more surreal elements the film tries to incorporate come off more as out of place than anything else, which could work in an absurdist sense but I found to be quite try hardy.

Overall, better than average but let down by a bad pace and some odd creative choices.

Pros.

Hall

Brown

A few good laughs

Cons.

The pace

The surreal elements

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End Of The Road: A Sorry Endeavor For All Involved

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family on a cross country road trip get on the wrong side of a sketchy group of dudes, and a cat and mouse game begins.

This film sucked hard. The social commentary of this film is so on the nose that it feels like it reaches over and hits you in the face. Nothing new is being said here and it is once again the narrative of white people are bad and are inherently out to get POC, honestly this narrative really annoys me as it is both lazy and such a broad generalisation that it kills any kind of nuanced conversation dead. I don’t doubt that there are evil groups of white people such as the ones this film present, I am sure there are many all over the world, but the way this film goes about tackling this issue never gets out of a place of race-baiting.

The performances are fairly weak across the board, I don’t think anyone in the film thinks this is going to be the film they get an Oscar for. No one hugely stood out though I would say Queen Latifah comes closest, it is nice to see her back as a headline billing, however, she can do far better than this schlock.

Overall, a thriller that goes far too hard on the racial aspect of its narrative and that doesn’t actually deliver many thrills.

Pros.

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The performances are weak

The race-baiting

The pacing is awful

It is schlock without any charm

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American Horror Stories: Lake

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After losing her child a grief stricken mother, played by Alicia Silverstone, decides that she can’t rest until she finds the body.

American Horror Stories is developing somewhat of a curse for itself of always closing out on a sour note, the last season did it and this season is much the same. However, I suppose if you are being glass half full about things you would say that whilst this season finale is boring and a wet blanket it is better than last season’s which was actively insulting to the fanbase.

Though this episode is watchable and not objectionably bad it does criminally waste the talents of Alicia Silverstone. She is clearly trying her best in the scenes she is given here, but there just isn’t enough in the script to help her give a good performance.

In terms of the episode itself the whole thing is rather dull and predictable, there are few surprises and you will find it hard to root for anyone or even to stay off your phone. In truth this episode is a snoozefest.

Overall, deeply average and uninspired.

Pros.

It is watchable

Silverstone is trying her best

Cons.

It is boring

It is predictable

It wastes Alicia Silverstone

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She-Hulk: Mean, Green And Straight Poured Into These Jeans

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Titania, played by Jameela Jamil, is fully ruined and dragged through the mud so that the writers can make some mom jokes about the youth culture.

Honestly, I don’t know why I am still watching this show. I will say that I am doing it so that I can give all you who read these reviews a complete picture of the series, in truth maybe I am masochistic. This series is just awful at this point and is getting steadily worse by the episode. The one positive I will say about this episode is that Griffin Matthews totally crushes the scenes he is in and brings a hell of a presence to the MCU, one that it has been sorely lacking, the whole side story about She-Hulk’s new clothes was the most entertaining part about this episode.

Countering that the whole courtroom sequences with influencer Titania were terrible, the jokes didn’t land, staying firmly in the wine mom category of humour, and Titania was fully ruined as a character as yet another of Marvel’s classic villains are reduced to nothing more than a bad joke.

Something else I didn’t like about this episode was the line wherein She-Hulk, played by Tatiana Maslany, says how one of the benefits of being She-Hulk is that she can walk home wearing headphones at night and not have to worry about attackers. Now I know this is a huge problem but I am really getting sick of She-Hulk as a show inserting these forced in political points, for the most part the MCU has remained apolitical and that is how it should be. I watch these films and shows to escape the grim realities of the real world, and all these sort of lines do is drag me back in to the bleakness.

They do tease Daredevil, played by Charlie Cox for the next episode but it feels more desperate than exciting, they need something to keep you around for.

Overall, this is certainly the worst MCU project yet.

Pros.

Matthews

I like that the superheroes now have an outfitter

Cons.

They ruin Titania

The mom jokes

The forced social commentary

It is not funny

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American Horror Stories: Necro

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mortician, played by Madison Iseman, becomes attracted to dead bodies. Really we have come to this.

Honestly there was nothing even remotely scary about this episode, to even call it an episode of American Horror Stories feels disingenuous. In everything that Ryan Murphy does there is a level or eroticism some might say that is his style or even auteur signature, and that has always been very true for AHS. However, here it feels like it is taken to an extreme for no real reason at all, in truth what wants to be shocking is in fact very tame, it is the same thing as always traditionally good looking actors going at it. That is not shocking.

Really if anything this episode is fairly boring because other than the fact that the lead saw her family killed when she was a child and now has sexual feelings towards dead bodies, nothing of any real note happens. If I were to describe this episode in a word it would almost certainly be humdrum, it feels like midseason filler which it likely is.

Overall, nowhere near as shocking as it thinks it is, rather instead boring and tame.

Pros.

It is watchable

There are moments so silly that they are unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It is tame

It is boring

It is badly paced

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American Horror Stories: Facelift

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An ageing woman, played by Judith Light, becomes obsessed with the idea of plastic surgery, however after she gets it she learns to be careful what you wish for.

This certainly wasn’t a new concept, I think I have seen it done at least a dozen times before. However, what I will give this credit for is that it is one of the first times American Horror Story or indeed American Horror Stories has really dived into the realm of body horror. I think for the most part they manage to competently scratch at the surface of this rich sub-genre but don’t go as far as you would like them too.

I can’t give this episode higher as really it is just so predictable. Everything that happens has been signposted every step of the way and this episode can’t shock you for the life of it. I found the ending to be sad but altogether obvious. The acting also wasn’t anything to write home about.

Overall, it is nice to see the AHS universe consider body horror, however, this was rather shallow and trite and could be bettered in a number of obvious ways.

Pros.

AHS taking on body horror

It is watchable

Some gnarly visuals

Cons.

It was incredibly predictable

I feel like I’ve seen it done much better before

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