1408: Did Someone Call The Hotel Inspector?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A haunted house investigator, played by John Cusack, finally meets his match.

I have been a fan of Stephen King for many years and watched many of the adaptions of his work, however, this one has always slipped through my grasp, for reasons unknown. Upon watching it now I wish I had watched it sooner.

For the most part this is a good haunted house film, the story is suitably scary and the threat feels very real, Samuel L. Jackson does a lot with a very limited roll, and the dated early 2000s CGI effects bring an element of fond nostalgia with them. I would say the film crosses the line into unintentionally funny a few times, but for the most part this isn’t the case.

I saw the director’s cut ending and enjoyed it immensely I thought it managed to nail the tone perfectly between bleak and intriguing, I am aware there are several different endings out there and tried to watch as many of them as I could after watching this film to see which worked the best- I found the director’s cut ending was the best.

My one complaint of this film would be John Cusack. Now, this is only a light criticism but it must be said, Cusack is playing himself here as he often does, if you don’t like Cusack’s shtick then you will find his character irritating and annoying so that may hamper your enjoyment of this film.

Overall, a fun charming horror film.

Pros.

Jackson

The director’s cut ending

The dated CGI

The scares

Cons.

Cusack is not even trying to act here

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The Cursed: A New Breed Of Werewolf

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A British hamlet falls prey to a Romani curse and becomes the hunting ground for a werewolf.

This was by no means a perfect film, however, as far as the werewolf sub-genre goes it was fairly competent.

I enjoyed the visuals and the fact that this film held nothing back in the gore department, I also appreciated the originality of the premise and how the werewolf came to be; though I will be remiss if I don’t mention the fact it furthers negative concepts about the Roma community.

Moreover, I thought Boyd Holbrook was surprisingly good here, not only was he a welcome on-screen presence but he was also trying to act, and though his accent was inconsistent he did give a good performance for the most part and sunk into the character.

My main criticism of the film would be that it has quite bad pacing issues and feels far longer than it actually is. I would not say the film becomes boring, but I would say it comes dangerously close to it several times.

Overall, a fairly decent werewolf film though nothing to write home about.

Pros.

Holbrook

The originality

The visuals

Cons.

Furthering negative stereotypes about the Romany people

The pacing

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Rescued By Ruby: Netflix Goes For The Pure Flix Crowd

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another dog film.

This is trash quite frankly. Netflix wonders why it is slipping behind the other streaming services and losing more and more customers well this is why, for a subscription to one of the most expensive streaming services on the market, which has just put its prices up, to be making this kind of bargain bin content is frankly insulting to customers. I have a strong belief that over the coming decade Netflix will be outpaced, outflanked and ultimately fade into obscurity unless they change their act.

Such is the poor quality of this film that I thought for sure it was a Pure Flix release, in many ways this film has a lot of the same imagery and moments as one of those uber Christian films: maybe there has been a mix up?

Moreover, this film highlights to the nth degree how lucky Grant Gustin is to have The Flash to fall back on as this film proves without any doubt that he can’t act, and lacks any kind of leading man charm. If I were Gustin I would be hoping with all my might that The Flash gets picked up for another 5 seasons as there aren’t any other offers coming in.

Overall, it almost feels like Netflix is trying to force me to cancel my subscription.

Pros.

People like dogs

Cons.

It feels like a Pure Flix film

Gustin

It is dull and tedious to get through

Everything about it is deeply cliched

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Dog: The Scars Of War On Man And Dog

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An army vet, played by Channing Tatum, is tasked with taking a service dog cross country to its former handlers funeral.

In many ways this film was Channing Tatum’s big return to the silver screen in a major role and in his returning he has reminded us all why we liked him so much to begin with. Throughout this film Tatum is charming and relatable at every turn and you really buy into his character’s struggles with PTSD. Moreover, you not only buy into but become invested in the relationship between him and the dog.

I thought the film was a sweet tale of lost people, friendship and starting over. The heart of the film was always in the completely correct place and the emotional payoff hits you like a ton of bricks, if you are a dog person I think it will be impossible to watch this film without crying, I myself am more of a cat person but even I was feeling emotional.

My only issue with the film was that it suffered from a few pacing issues and I thought some of the asides and side stories it featured did nothing to advance the plot in any meaningful way.

Overall, a sweet film about a man and his dog. Welcome back Channing.

Pros.

Tatum

The emotions

How it handles service and the effects of PTSD

The ending

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Cheaper By The Dozen: An Advertisement For Birth Control

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

What the hell is this? Who asked for or wanted this? Is Martin Scorsese right is cinema dying?

Everyone knew this was going to be bad, who wanted a reboot of Cheaper By The Dozen after all, but no one knew just how bad it was going to be.

Firstly right off the bat this film reads like a diversity checklist, there is nothing wrong with having a diverse cast, but there is everything wrong with turning it into a checklist where these characters only exist to fit a representational quota. This is furthered by the fact that a lot of these characters read as racial stereotypes, and feel so far over the top that quite frankly it is offensive.

Secondly, this film is the most cringey, out of touch film I have seen in the last few years. The script reads as though it was written by a group of executives shouting out trendy buzz words they have learnt on twitter, and through the one time their grandkid showed them TikTok. Speaking of this film is clearly sponsored by TikTok as the film makes constant mention of it in nearly every scene. An example of everything wrong with the writing of this film can be boiled down to one bit of dialogue early in the film wherein the narrator explains that their dogs are called ‘Bark Obama and Joe Biten’, that is the claibur of film we are dealing with here.

Finally, the very worse crime of this film is that it has no reason to exist. It does nothing new with the property, all it does is rehash and try and recapture what the Steve Martin films did all those years ago, this highlights just how creatively bankrupt Disney and Hollywood both are.

Overall, Disney pumps out trash like this to distract you from the fact that they are removing any trace of LGBTQ+ identity from their releases and are filming near forced labour camps in China.

Pros.

Zach Braff is getting some work

Cons.

The diversity checklist approach

There is no need for this to exist

It feels cynical and hollow

It is cringe

All of the references to TikTok

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Studio 666: Sadly This Isn’t A Breakout But Is More Of A Horror Pretender

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Foo Fighters, playing themselves, begin recording an album in a haunted studio, hijinks ensue.

Now I will preface this coming review by saying I am a big Foo Fighters fan and have been for many years, but even coming from that sort of place this film didn’t do much for me.

My main issue with this film was that it just didn’t work, it had no real reason to exist and didn’t bring either scares or laughs to the table. In the latter regard, the film was both trying too hard to be edgy whilst at the same time also being incredibly tame. It approaches self-parody at times, I will give them the benefit of the doubt and say that this was deliberate, but even then it didn’t go far enough to sell it.

In terms of the scares this film was nothing new some gross out stuff and a gradual growing possession arc, mixed with a few jump scares. Not only was I not scared I was often quite close to approaching boredom whilst watching this film.

Finally, the Foos themselves just aren’t good actors, and though Grohl has been in other films before he never rises above average. It is painfully clear throughout the film that they are all trying to act but failing to do so.

Overall, this film really could have been something but as it stands it isn’t much of anything.

Pros.

It is watchable

There is some charm here

If you are a big fan of the band there are some neat references and nods to enjoy

Cons.

The comedy doesn’t land

Neither do the scares

The acting is poor

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The Adam Project: Possibly Ryan Reynold’s Best Performance

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Pilot Adam Reed, played by Ryan Reynolds, goes back in time to stop the invention of time travel, along the way he encounters his younger self, played by Walker Scobell.

I thought this was the best Ryan Reynolds performance I have seen in a long time, mainly this was due to the fact that he distances himself from his Deadpool-era quips and plays the role in a mostly straight, earnest way. There is a very believable emotional depth to Reynolds’ performance here that really resonates with you.

In that vein, I think the biggest strength of this film is the fact that it wears its heart on it’s sleeve and focuses on family dynamics and emotions between the characters. There are various different dimensions that the film approaches this from such as father-son relations as well as mother-son relations, which is refreshingly modern and fresh. There is also quite a lot of nuance and complexity to the relationship between the two Adams.

The only area wherein I would criticise this film is that its science fiction narrative feels very generic and uninspired, we have all seen this before and as such it remains unsurprising.

Overall, a very sweet and earnest film that is in some ways held back by its science fiction premise.

Pros.

Reynolds

Garner

Ruffalo

The emotion

Cons.

Pacing issues

The premise is fairly been there, done that.

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Cemetery Junction: Are The Kids Alright?

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of young people come of age in 70s era Britain.

There is some charm to this film for sure, I found its final scene to be heartfelt, hopeful and warm and still a ways away from overly sentimental. Moreover, I also thought whenever Ricky Gervais was on screen the film perked up, sadly he didn’t show up all that often.

That said, I also think this film has a lot of issues. Most prominently, it feels more like the co-directors of Gervais and Merchant reminiscing about a very specific time period in recent British history rather than a film with a narrative to tell in its own right. In that regard it gave us a very fixed version of the coming of age, wayward teen story that I think we have all seen before. It felt to me as though the film was more interested in showing how life was then rather than telling any kind of story.

Further in that vein, a lot of the characters didn’t come across as real people rather as cliches or architypes used to push the narrative in a certain direction and to set up later character decisions. Moreover, when the film did try and hit on sentimentality a lot of the time it came across overly so, which is why I singled out the ending for not doing this, as it was a nice change.

Overall, not without charm but widely I don’t see the point in this film or why it needed to exist.

Pros.

The ending

The sound track

Gervais as an actor

Cons.

The writing

It doesn’t need to exist

The emotion often feels overly sentimental

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The Village: The Beginning Of The End For M. Night Shyamalan

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A township of people exist in fear of the creatures that live in the woods just outside of town.

Prior to watching I had heard very mixed things about this film, and after watching it I can say I am mixed. Do I think this film marks the start of Shyamalan’s journey into hackdom, with a brief moment of hope with Split? Yes, I would say so, all the elements that would come to form the basis of bad Shyamalan are present here, though it is not as egregious as it would get with his later works.

I think there are some good elements here, the premise is interesting and the world building is strong, couple this with good performances from Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, Bryce Dallas Howard and William Hurt and you can see the film has a lot going for it.

However, where everything is undercut is with the twist. I would say this is the first time in early Shyamalan’s work where the twist feels both needless, but also entirely predictable. The reveal that the elders were behind the monsters all along as a means to keep the town isolated from the rest of the world feels incredibly obvious from the early stages of the film. Moreover, though the climax of the film teases us with the outside world it then promptly does nothing with it and basically ignores it, which feels like a huge missed opportunity.

Overall, this film feels like a midway point in Shyamalan’s career, situated between past glories and future disappointments.

Pros.

The performances

The world building

The premise

Cons.

The twist

The ending

Turning Red: No One Fears This Hormone Monster

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young girl, voiced by Rosalie Chiang, confronts her coming womanhood through the form of an ancient curse that turns her into a giant red panda.

I will admit this film was a lot better than I was expecting it to be. In many ways I was expecting something more akin to Wish Dragon, a blatant effort to pander to the Chinese box office with a sprinkling of pro party propaganda forced in, usually as a means to secure a release. However, this film stayed well clear of that and instead stuck to what Pixar do well telling stories about parent-child strife and familial disfunction.

I thought the narrative and message of this film was beautiful, the notion of embracing change and your coming hormones whilst also trying to do right by those you love was conveyed in such an expert way that it would be impossible for you to feel nothing at it. Furthermore, I think it is highly commendable that this film tackled coming of age issues that are often not talked about, especially not in animation, I think it is vital we see more films like this that approach the same old story structures but from different, less-covered, points of view.

My only issue with this film is that there are a few lines that feel quite cringe, these are particularly present in Mei’s, voiced by Chiang, introductory scene. This came off to me as an ageing writers room struggling to write for a youthful modernish voice, luckily as the film goes on this becomes less of an issue.

Overall, a sweet film that reminds us all of the power of Pixar.

Pros.

The message

The emotion

The coming of age journey

The characters

Cons.

A few cringe lines early in the film

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