The Royal Treatment: This Is Why Your Subscriber Numbers Are Stagnating Netflix

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prince, played by Mena Massoud, from yet another made up fictional place comes to America to meet his future bride, played by Chelsie Preston-Crayford, however, once there he meets sassy and street smart hairdresser Isabelle, played by Laura Marano, and he just can’t get enough of her entitled, obnoxious personality.

My, my how did Massoud go from Aladdin and the hights of super stardom to this? This film really isn’t worthy of him at all, and though he is the best thing in it and the only reason it has received half marks it makes me sad that this is the sort of role he is being offered.

Marano’s character fails so much as a romantic lead that she dooms the film. Now, this isn’t necessarily Marano’s fault, the writing certainly doesn’t do her any favours by giving her one of the worst personalities to come out of a Netflix film recently. She embodies American Exceptionalism and thinks that she can decide how to help the people of a foreign country better than their government, because she’s American and knows better?

Moreover, her relationship with Massoud’s prince character isn’t very healthy, she controls him and bends him to her will from the start of the film. In one of the first scenes the two share together on screen she tells him off for not sticking up for one of his servants after she gets told off by other staff for doing something wrong. Maybe he doesn’t like conflict, maybe he is worried him intervening will make things worse, no he’s bad because he isn’t constantly looking for opportunities to fight societal injustice and he needs a controlling woman to push him to do it. The more you think about it the worse it becomes.

Overall, yet another bad Netflix film.

Pros.

Massoud

A few good jokes

Cons.

Marano

The romance is troubled

The message of American Exceptionalism

The ending  

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Home Team: Adam Sandler Is Even Bringing His Kids Into His Films Now, Will The Nepotism Ever End?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Adam Sandler’s dependence star in a true story about a disgraced NFL coach, played by Kevin James, who ends up coaching his son’s peewee football team.

This sports film just rehashes cliches, honestly there isn’t much more to say; I could end the review there. To expand, the plot of this film is not just overly familiar it is almost plagiaristic. The beats and forced emotion it is going for, but crucially never achieves, have been done so much better before elsewhere.

Moreover, I get him and Sandler are pals but whoever thought James was a good leading man? Does Sandler? Is that why he gets cast in the lead role in so many of Happy Madison’s productions? To answer some of those questions for you, nepotism is the only way James can get these roles as his talent just isn’t there. Whether playing happy, sad or quizzical James comes across with all the emotional range of a shopping bag.

Overall, it is fine, technically there is nothing wrong with it, however, if you want more than deeply forgettable then you will be left cold and disappointed.

Pros.

It is watchable

Taylor Lautner returns

Cons.

James

It is boring

It is generic

The nepotism is blatant

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Body Cam: No One Wants This Footage

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A troubled police officer, played by Mary J. Blige, and her young partner, played by Nat Wolff, must do battle with the supernatural.

Honestly, I was surprised this film passed me by when it first came out at the start of the pandemic, at first glance it seemed to be right up my alley, however as the film began and then painfully continued I realised it was a blessing that I hadn’t until that point heard of this film and now I wish I never had.

The film is not dreadfully bad, frankly it might have been more fun if it was, no it is instead oppressively generic and dull. There are no thrills or surprises here as everything that happens you know is coming as this film has been done hundreds of times before and it doesn’t bother to change a thing. This also plays true for the character development with both of the leads being cliches through and through.

The supernatural element is in no way scary and again feels boringly predictable. They try and create a sense of tension but fail miserably. If you would like a good police centred horror film check out Scott Derrickson’s Deliver Us From Evil, that is a vastly better film.

If you thought this film was going to share some insight into the issues facing policing in America then you expected too much, it throws out some banal statements and trite conclusions and doesn’t achieve anything more than that.

Overall, weak, played out and too familiar.

Pros.

It is watchable

Wolff is trying, sadly his character is but a cliché

Cons.

It is boring

It is generic

It has pacing issues

It fails as a horror film   

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Sing 2: Is Illumination The Worst Studio In Animation?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of talentless animated animals gather together to listen to licensed music with you, as the writers can’t even be bothered to show up to work.

So I didn’t watch the first film, and somehow I don’t really feel like that would have made that much of a difference as there is no plot here, I doubt there was in the last film either, so I haven’t missed much.

Frankly if I were a parent I would feel insulted by this film, Illumination clearly think that they can just send out any old slop to the cinemas and that children and begrudgingly there families will just eat it up: know your worthy families of the world, you deserve more than this. This reeks of greed and cynicism.

Until the last twenty minutes of the film I don’t even remember any of the characters singing, which is baffling as that is what the whole film is supposed to be about. Instead for the most part the characters do very mundane generic quests in the purposes of killing time and the film blares out some equally bland licensed music. This is in no way interesting.

As I left this film I thought for sure this must have been some kind of tax write off, or money laundering scheme, as I can’t see why else  it was made.

Overall, kids deserve better than this.

Pros.

I found it unintentionally hilarious a few times.

Cons.

The characters are awful

There is no plot

The animals barely sing

The music that we do get is generic and forgettable

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Death Of A Telemarketer: Everyone Hates Sales Calls

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Telemarketer Casey, played by Lamorne Morris, meets his match when he gets on the wrong end of Asa Ellenbogen, played by Jackie Earle Haley, a hostage situation ensues.

I thought this was watchable but not much more. Honestly, my biggest issue with this film was how played out it was. Not only was the story been there and done that, though maybe not in the telemarketing guise but I have seen this same story done time and again in other films, but so too were the moral conclusions of the film. The lessons that Casey learnt at the end of the film have been taught to us by other better films in the past, this film has no new revelations about the work life balance or how we should all treat each other.

Due to the fact that it all feels so familiar the film really hamstrings it’s chances of success in any major way.

However, it does have two silver linings in the form of its hero and villain. Both Morris and Haley are in top form here and do deliver good performances, especially when you consider the dire nature of the script. Morris manages to be loathsome enough for us to know he needs to change but not loathsome enough for us to dislike him. Morris has a lot of charm and that is on show here. Haley manages to pull off threatening and menacing well and create a strong sense of tension during the midpart of the film.

Overall, nothing that you haven’t seen before but passable if you have nothing better to watch.

Pros.

Morris

Haley

The tension

Cons.

It is too familiar

It is not funny

It’s lessons feel simplistic

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Peacemaker: The Choad Less Traveled

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peacemaker’s dad, played by Robert Patrick, turns rat so Vigilante, played by Freddie Stroma must get himself sent to prison in order to take care of the problem.

I thought this was probably the best episode of Peacemaker yet, it was certainly the most emotionally raw and I appreciated the show for going there. Though the show might seem crass and silly on the surface underneath there is a lot of depth. I think Vigilante’s breakdown when he realises he’s made the situation worse for his friend, and Peacemaker’s, played by John Cena, dance at the end of the episode where he relives his childhood trauma were both moving and depressing in equal measures.

I thought the prison fight scene wherein Vigilante tries to get the racist gang members to each say something that they are thankful for that a black person has contributed to America before proceeding to beat them up when they don’t was so in keeping with the show. This scene really proves to be a great encapsulation of the show, if you like the sound of it and think it would be funny then you will like it, if it sounds annoying then you won’t. Personally I thought it was great.

My two little issues with this episode, and the things that stop it from getting top marks, are the final twist reveal which shows that Murn, played by Chukwudi Iwuji, has been a butterfly along and the continued waste of Judomaster, played by Nhut Le. In the case of the Murn reveal I found it to just come out of nowhere, there was little to no set up for it and it just feels like a twist for the sake of it, and with Judomaster the character continues to be underused to a point of annoyance.

Overall, an incredibly strong episode only let down by a few strange choices

Pros.

The emotion

The prison fight scene

Vigilante

Cena

The jokes

Cons.

Judomaster

The twist ending

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Keith Lemon The Movie: The Pinnacle Of The British Film Industry

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

ITV tries to make some more money by stretching out the deeply unfunny and talentless persona of Keith Lemon to a feature film, the result a rare zero percent on rotten tomatoes.

I will preface this review by saying the only reason this film has a 1 is because it makes for a good drinking game, one takes a drink whenever any of the characters are being annoying, which is most of the time, and you end up good and drunk before the film has even reached the end of the first act- you are then spared the rest.

This might be one of the worst films I have ever seen. It certainly is the most desperate. A character and a concept that are the lowest common denominator, and that hide in the darkest corners of ITV2 are forced onto our film screens in what I can only describe as a perverse display of poor taste. Truly this film will only be funny to you if you are a young teenager. Even then it might struggle. None of its jokes are funny, but it tries too hard at every turn to be which just makes it even more desperate. It aims for edgy shock humour a lot of the time which only adds to this.

Most of the celebrities involved with it are British C-D listers that clearly need the money and it shows by how far they are willing to debase themselves by being in this.

Overall, stay as far away from this film as you can.

Pros.

Make it into a drinking game and make it bearable

Cons.

It is not funny

It is edgy for the sake of it

It is desperate

It has no reason to exist  

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Peacemaker: Better Goff Dead

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peacemaker, played by John Cena, and company must assassinate their first butterfly.

I enjoyed what this episode did with Vigilante, played by Freddie Stroma, it took the friendship set up between him and Peacemaker in the previous episode and really developed it and added in quite a lot of dimensions. I thought the torture scene between the two was not only funny, but also quite illuminating.

I like the continued romance between Peacemaker and Harcourt, played by Jennifer Holland, I think the two make a good pairing and have strong chemistry. However, I would like to see Harcourt get more focus and have her character expanded out beyond just being a badass and a love interest for Peacemaker. As I have said in previous reviews we know very little about the supporting cast and need more.

Judomaster, played by Nhut Le, is fairly bland as far as minor baddies go. Clearly he won’t be the big bad of the show and is just being used as an obstacle our heroes can chase for a few episodes, that’s fine. However, what isn’t fine is that I didn’t buy Le’s performance at all, I understand the show is supposed to be a comedy but I didn’t find his character in any way threatening, even when he was torturing Peacemaker.

Overall, another good episode

Pros.

Peacemaker and Vigilante

The sweet scene between Peacemaker and Harcourt

The torture scene, for the most part

The comedy

Cons.

Judomaster

The side characters need more development

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The Karen Abroad: Flawed American Exceptionalism And The Use Of Regressive Stereotypes As Shown In Emily In Paris

Written by Luke Barnes

This will be a slightly different post to the ones I normally write. I want to write this as more of an in-depth look at what I think is a major issue within entertainment. American Exceptionalism abroad. Of course I am using the lens of Netflix’s Emily In Paris, a show about an American woman, played by Lilly Collins, who goes to France for a fashion job and the series charts her life there. I am not the first to make these points or come to these conclusions, but Emily In Paris is the embodiment of the faux idea of American Exceptionalism, the examples I give can also be referenced in hundreds of other shows and movies as well.

Upon the end of the show’s first season Emily In Paris got a lot of criticism for some of the issues I am going to bring up, the show then tried to address and change this in the second season which has just aired, but rather than actually fix things it seems like the show has just doubled down on all the things people hate and has flipped the audience off in the process.

To get to my first example from the show, when Emily first arrives in Paris she decides that everything her French co-workers have done is wrong and that only her American way can save the company. One can draw some comparisons to a white saviour narrative arc here however here it is not about race but nationality, this is the American saviour. Of course the natives, The French, are resistance to Emily’s American brilliance but of course she is shown to be right and they are all shown to be incompetent. This backs up the outdated world view that nowhere is as successful or as creative as America and that no company can achieve true success without an American’s help, which is widely insulting, but also embodies American Exceptionalism.

Secondly, Emily makes no effort to learn French or to respect local traditions or customs, this is somewhat remedied  in season two as they make a big point out of showing her trying to learn French. However, even in this capitulation the show is two faced. In the beginning the narrative suggests that Emily doesn’t need to learn French as those around her need to come to her and need to speak English, as by not they are being rude even though it is not an English speaking country. This furthers the entitled air of the show. With the second season having her learning French it is the bare minimum yet the show wants us to worship Emily and revere her for doing it, this shouldn’t be encouraged this should just be a standard, but no, in the world of Emily In Paris if a character doesn’t capitulate to Emily, thereby to America, they are in the wrong.

My final example and perhaps what some might call my smoking gun is the show’s use of stereotypes for the French and later Ukrainian characters. Many America shows carry with them somewhat of a xenophobia perspective, this idea of the American characters being normal and everyone outside of their country being off, bad, or somehow lesser to them. Nowhere is this better shown then in the use of stereotyping, you might see this when American shows portray the Irish as alcoholics, the English as having bad teeth or in the case of Emily In Paris the French as being rude, philanders who can’t keep to Emily’s own moral values. Many French critics have called out this show for its depiction of French people and French culture, as it has been highlighted as damaging and unenlightened. The way the show portrays French people is done as a means to lessen them in the eyes of an American audience, here we have Emily just trying to be nice and the mean foreigner is ignoring her.

Moreover, don’t even get me started on how the show tries to sexually shame the French people by showing them as constantly sleeping around, which of course karen Emily judges, only to later show highly questionable sexual behaviour herself. She sleeps with a minor and the show brushes it off as a joke and even has it be recurring. The hypocrisy is not lost.

In the second season the show changes it target after being called out too much for its depiction of the French and goes after Ukrainian’s, creating a new character who is a walking cliché shown as being a thief and terrified of being deported; if I were Ukrainian I would find that highly insulting. However, you see dear reader that it doesn’t matter where the foreign character is from they have to be brought low so that Emily and by default America can feel good about itself, because at the end of the day that is what American Exceptionalism, as flawed as it is, is all about. A vain effort to ignore all of the systematic issues of their own country by projecting themselves as the best people on the planet, with everyone else left as a stereotype.

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The Book Of Boba Fett: The Gathering Storm

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An almost entirely flashback set episode, that explains how Boba Fett, played by Temuera Morrison, and Fennec Shand, played by Ming-Na-Wen, came to be associates.

For the most part this was an enjoyable episode, I liked most of the flashback stuff and it was nice to see that journey come to an end. I would have liked to see Boba do more during the reclaiming of his armour and ship action wise, but the show seems to only allow Fennec to do the action set pieces. She is cool, but this is supposed to be a Boba Fett show. That said I thought seeing Boba gun down the bikers who killed his Tusken tribe was a nice moment, and showed the character’s harder side better.

I can’t quite move on from the flashback scenes until I talk about the return of the horrible cyberpunk elements. So during the episode Boba takes a near death Fennec to a modifier to try and save her life, whilst there he is surrounded once again by bad cyberpunk cosplayers that remind you of the budget for the show. To make matters worse they play some god awful techno during this scene which feels incredibly out of place in Star Wars.

The present day stuff is all a big tease, but an exciting one at that. We see the character preparing for war with the pikes and see a familiar face return. I enjoyed all this well enough and hope that the next episode is truly crazy in order to make up for the tameness and general lameness of the series so far in most aspects.

Overall, a nice episode though it would be better if Boba actually did something and didn’t just let Fennec do everything.

Pros.

Ending the flashbacks

Teasing the war to come

Seeing how Boba became the crime lord

Boba breaking bad slightly

Cons.

Boba does nothing during the action scenes and is further watered down

The cyberpunk elements  

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