Here Comes The Boom: I Never Knew It Was So Easy To Be A UFC Fighter, Why Isn’t Everyone Doing It?

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Biology teacher Scott Voss, played by Kevin James, decided to get into cage fighting in order to save the schools musical department.

Honestly, I just put this on because I wanted something easy to zone out to and unwind- in that respect it didn’t disappoint.

Moreover, in terms of Happy Madison fare this isn’t the worst by any means, as though it is dumb and lazy as you would expect it to be, there is also a really strong heart and soul to this film that makes it feelgood even if you don’t particularly like the main character. To that Henry Winkler really shines here, Winkler is the heart and soul of this film and plays the character with such an innocents and sweetness that you can’t help but root for him-sadly he is only a side character.

Kevin James is fine, his character isn’t particularly likeable and is more often than not creepy or nasty to those around him, however he does have his moments. James is clearly playing the character as an everyman sort and that carries, even if the concept doesn’t. A man with no fighting experience couldn’t suddenly become a cage fighter, though why am I looking for logic here?

I was surprised to not see a cameo from any of the Sand Pack, my name for Adam Sandler and his friends, I thought for sure that someone would pop up but no, or maybe I missed it? They didn’t even force in Rob Schneider.

Overall, a watchable if not very funny comedy.

Pros.

Winkler

The heart

It is watchable

Cons.

Kevin James

The leering at Selma Hayek by the camera

The plot holes

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The Witcher Nightmare Of The Wolf: Netflix Needs A New Animation Style

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Vesemir, voiced by Theo James, becomes wrapped up in a frightening series of monster attacks that seem different to anything he has ever encountered before.

Why do all of Netflix’s animated offerings look the same? I am not saying the art style doesn’t work, but I am saying that I want more diversity and variation within their animated output. I don’t like the fact you can’t tell this apart from Castlevania.

Moreover, the storyline here is so trite that I question anyone’s need to watch this film as they have seen it all before. Hated group has to work with those that hate them and then those that hate them turn on them it is so played out. I am a big fan of the Witcher books/games/TV show and as such I know that this storyline could have been done better. The evil mage who is anti-Witcher is so clear cut the twist reveal of oh actually she is evil doesn’t work as you already knew it, and it feels like the film gives it away early on.

Whatsmore, the tag at the end that showed Geralt felt ham-fisted. We all know where the story is going, we all know that Geralt is coming, however stuffing him in here feels like badly done fan service.

Overall, deeply bog standard.

Pros.

The fight scenes

A deeper look into Witcher lore
Theo James as Vesemir

Cons.

The end sting

The animation style and its overuse

The bland story

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Holy Water/ Hard Times: A Limp Comedy Film

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of disaffected Irish men decide to rob a shipment of Viagra and sell it in Amsterdam with the hopes of making enough money to escape their small town existence.

This film was painfully unfunny. I understand that comedy is subjective but not a single joke in this worked for me, most of them felt cheap and desperate- such as a man getting his arse out for the sake of a bit. At times it almost felt like it was trying too hard.

It was nice to see Linda Hamilton appear in this, as she doesn’t appear in anywhere near enough films anymore. Sadly, the quality of the writing she is presented with not only gives the character nothing to work with but ends up reducing her to a cliché. The whole big tough Americans coming to investigate plot point seemed ridiculous, does Ireland not have a wider investigating organisation that would take jurisdiction? Surely they do.

Honestly I think the biggest issue with this film is that it is just plain generic and boring, which is a shame as you can see the actors are trying but ultimately it is all in vain.

Overall, this is not a terrible film, but it is boring.

Pros.

Linda Hamilton

The actors are trying

Cons.

It isn’t funny

It is boring

It is a waste of good talent

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A Thousand Words: The End Of The Unfunny Eddie Murphy Era

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A fast talking agent, Eddie Murphy, learns the value of words after he discovers that he has bonded with a tree. For each word he says the tree will lose a leaf and when all leaves are gone both will die.

This was one of the finale films of the Murphy era of bad comedy films which was swiftly followed by a short absence from our screens. Personally, I don’t think the film is awful, but nor do I think it is funny. Murphy talking quickly, as he does for the first quarter of the film, is not only unamusing but it is also hard to follow, multiple times I had to go back a few seconds as I didn’t quite catch what was being said. Furthermore, once the big switch up happens and Murphy’s character can no longer talk the film struggles to find its emotional core and can’t nail its message.

That said I found Murphy himself to be one of the saving graces of the film. He didn’t make me laugh but I did find his presence on screen oddly soothing, and I thought he brought a lot of charm to the role and I did care about what happened to his character- small victory for the film there.

Overall, Murphy is trying but it just isn’t enough.

Pros.

Murphy is charming and you do end up caring about his character

It is watchable

Cons.

It isn’t funny

The message is muddled and overly familiar

The emotions don’t quite land

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We Need To Do Something: Ozzy Osbourne’s Breakthrough Performance

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family find themselves trapped in a bathroom during a freak storm, or possibly a supernatural apocalypse, and have to find a way to escape and survive.

This was an unexpected treat. The reviews weren’t good, so I went into this with low expectations, but I have to say I was blown away. I actually found this film to be scary, which when you watch as many horror films as I do you become desensitised, so to be scared is a sure sign of quality. I found the hand licking scene with Ozzy Osbourne to be the best fright of the film and it stayed with me for days after viewing.

I enjoyed the family dynamic and seeing the characters interact on screen especially as relations began to breakdown and things got gradually to a fever pitch in which everyone was at each other’s throats. I thought all the actors gave good performances but the two I would like to highlight are Sierra McCormick and Pat Healy as they stood out particularly.

I thought the ending was genius as it left things ambiguous as to what was actually going on outside. Ending on the door finally opening and then screams was a masterstroke as it leaves it up to your imagination which is far more satisfying than giving you an answer which has the possibility to underwhelm.

Overall, a horror film that actually scared me, I highly recommend.

Pros.

Healy and McCormick

The ending

Ozzy Osbourne

The scares and the threat

Cons.

A few slow scenes

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American Horror Story Double Feature: Blood Buffet

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This episode explores the origins of the little black pills and shows how each of our titular vampire/monsters fell under their sway.

This was a better episode than the last, but not by a huge margin.

I thought this episode was better as it ditched the main family and focused on the characters that are actually interesting. In that respect Frances Conroy’s character proves to be a very compelling focus for the episode, watching her go from an abused housewife to a powerful woman not afraid to grab life by the reigns was an enjoyable experience and Conroy did a strong job throughout.

Evan Peters on the other hand……. Where to begin with the drag scene, honestly just why? There was no need for Peter’s character to be dressed as a woman, there was no need for him to badly lip sync a song, the whole sequence just felt off. To me it almost felt mocking to those who perform drag. The character hadn’t been stated in any previous point in the show to have done drag to pay the bills in his backstory before, so I wonder why it was forced in here. Honestly, the whole scene is just so poorly done that it is none stop cringe.

Macaulay Culkin gets some fun scenes, and I would say this is the best episode for his character so far as he is actually given something to do and has some agency of his own.

Overall, better but not by much.

Pros.

Culkin

Conroy

The origins storyline

Cons.

Peters

The bad cringe

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Villains: Please Stop Making Tables Turned Home Invasion Films, We Are Done With Them

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a bank robbery a young couple find their way into a house with a child tied up in the basement, when they stick around to ask questions the homeowners return and take them prisoner.

When you watch horror/thriller films on the regular you begin to notice that there only seem to be about 5 original premises within the genre. The idea of bad people breaking into someone’s house only to find out that the homeowners are actually even worse than them and doing the clichéd ‘tables turned’ twist. This film has been done before and done better.

The generic nature of the premise sadly holds back the acting talent herein. Bill Skarsgard and Maika Monroe are both strong actors and have a number of good performances to their names to back that claim, however here they are given nothing to work with and though they might try their best their characters are ultimately doomed to be forgotten about.

My biggest issue with this film was that nothing shocked me about it. It went through a Don’t Breathe esque list of check boxes, to make sure it could fully tap into the flipped home invasion cliché, and did everything that you would expect, but added nothing new to spice things up or to keep the audience guessing. From the beginning to the end this film is entirely guessable.

Overall, generic and nothing new.

Pros.

The actors are trying

It is watchable

Cons.

It is stale

It is predictable

It is deeply forgettable

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Kate: Mary Elizabeth Winstead Strikes Gold Again, Is There Anything She Can’t Do

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An assassin, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, finds herself fatally poisoned whilst on a job, so with mere hours to go before she dies she decides to go on a quest for revenge.

I will give Netflix props for this one. Finally they have managed to produce an action film that pushes beyond their mould of generic, forgettable punch them up fare and actually manages to be a solid genre film.

I enjoyed the stylistic choices present within this film; I think you can feel the Leitch influence here clearly: there are many scenes in this film that reminded me of Leitch’s Atomic Blond from a few summers ago now. The choice of setting and how Japanese culture impacts on the film also goes along way to shaping it into having a personality. Despite being Western this film does feel at times like a love letter to Japanese martial arts films.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a tremendous action lead and does a lot to make this film as good as it is. Winstead plays the character with just the right level of warmth to get you to care without sacrificing any of the badass moments or threat. As the film progresses you begin to care about her character and you become connected to her story, which is a big achievement for an action film and an even bigger one for a Netflix action film.

My one criticism would be that they waste Woody Harrelson. Harrelson is a mentor of sorts to Winstead’s character and does end up having a fairly important role in the narrative, however, despite this he is not given much to work with and often only has sort scenes of him sitting or talking, which doesn’t correlate to making us think of him as a badass assassin like Winstead’s character. We needed more of him in action.

Overall, The best Netflix action film in years.

Pros.

Winstead

The Japanese influence

The Leitch influence

The action and the comedy

Cons.

Harrelson is wasted

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The Mule: Drugging Running Is A Job For All Ages

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film follows an elderly man, Clint Eastwood, who begins to run drugs for the Sinaloa Cartel in an effort to make ends meet. It is based on a true story.

I thought this film was very mismatched tone wise, there were moments where the film felt serious and weighty, and others were it almost played the situation for laughs. I thought this dichotomy only served to weaken the film in the long term as it stunted any kind of real emotional pay off the film could have had.

Eastwood is good in the role and he still maintains the same level of charisma that he has always had. Though I must say seeing scenes, multiple, of him having sex or relations with much younger women is both awkward and a little uncomfortable, I don’t see why we need to see these scenes. It feels like Eastwood wanted to indulge.

Moreover, I would also say the film is on for entirely too long and as such the pacing really becomes an issue. The film feels far too drawn out with many of the scenes seeming like filler.

Overall, watchable but it struggles to hold your attention for the duration.

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What If: Zombies?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This was easily the best episode yet. I say that both in terms of the concept and execution. I think many of the other episodes, not all but a large amount, have felt too similar usually because they try and adapt certain MCU films, however this feels entirely different and all the better for it.

I am a huge fan of Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Zombies run and I have been waiting for them to adapt it. This episode does justice to that storyline through and through and does not shy away from pulling some narly twists and reveals. I thought the Wanda reveal was especially good in this regard and I am surprised Disney allowed them to do it.

Moreover, I felt like this episode gave some much needed screen time to some of the smaller characters in the MCU. For all the focus Bruce Banner and Peter Parker get Hope Van Dyne also gets her moment in the sun. Hope has felt like a relatively separate MCU character confined to the Antman films and not given much to do outside of them, yet here she is leading the team and we get to see her interact with the other Avengers which makes for a number of heart-warming and emotional scenes. In that same regard I am glad we got to see more from Sharon Carter in this episode as well. The wider universe does not seem to know what to do with her character having her be a love interest in Winter Soldier and having her be a sub-villain in FTWS. Here they get her right however she is a badass spy and that is all she needs to be.

My only complaint would be that the episode feels too short and cuts off leaving us wanting more. Hopefully season two will come back to this universe.

Overall, the best episode yet.

Pros.

Marvel Zombies

The emotion

The darkness

Highlighting secondary, often forgotten about, characters

The fight scenes and tension

Cons.

We needed more

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